Sesame Street’s resident expert on numbers and counting, Count von Count, shocked onlookers at the North Hollywood Police Station last Thursday after being arrested on several counts of domestic abuse. Led into the station by numerous uniformed officers, the Count peppered the staff and his accuser, long-time spouse and fellow Muppet the Countess von Lexya, with counting-themed verbal abuse for close to an hour while officers attempted to obtain prints from his uncooperative felt fingers.

“Zat’s two! Two times I tell you, bitch!” the Count yelled across the station as the Countess was speaking with detectives. “Vat do you do ven she just von’t listen?”

The marriage has been a rocky one since the Count married Miss Lexya, a counting-impaired female Muppet created by Jim Henson in 1974 in an effort to bring attention to learning disabilities and spread tolerance among the nation’s youth. Friends of the couple and other Sesame Street regulars were doubtful of the union from the start, due in part to bitter memories of Count von Count’s disastrous failed marriage to backwards-counting prodigy Countess Dahling von Dahling. While some considered the opposites-attract pairing to be adorable, many feared that violence would inevitable result, given the Count’s volatile temper in counting-related matters and Miss Lexya’s utterly inept grasp of the numbers one through ten.

“Zat’s three, three fingers I use to slap your stupid face!” the Count yelled across the police station to the Countess, waving his felt fist in the air.

Since becoming the Countess in 1986, Miss Lexya has filed several reports of domestic abuse, but has never pressed formal charges. However, prosecutors received a break with the news that the Countess does plan on pressing charges this time around, though she’s not sure how many.

“Vait, how many is zis?” the Count questioned, holding up the middle of his three fingers and belligerently waving it in the air. “You must tell me, I canno see zis. Zat policeman did step on my glasses!” The Count continued to flip off the entire police station until advised by his legal counsel to desist.

Similar charges are being considered against puppeteer Marc Sanders, who has been operating the Count since 1991 but claims no part in the alleged domestic abuse. “You can try to talk the Count down, but once he gets his felt up, you’re better off just staying out of his way,” Sanders warned.

“Totally,” agreed fellow puppeteer and long-time Sanders girlfriend Maureen Baker, who also happens to operate the Countess/Miss Lexya puppet. “This may look bad now, but it’s clear that the Count only did what he did because he loves the Countess so much,” explained Baker, who recently received a black eye when she carelessly walked her Miss Lexya puppet into a doorknob.

Reaction among the other Sesame Street cast members was split, with some lamenting the Count’s tragic failings, and others bidding good riddance to an anal-retentive tyrant known to be extremely demanding on the set.

Fellow Muppet and longtime Count friend Dr. Bunsen Honeydew perhaps summed it up best. “The Count isn’t always the easiest chap to get along with,” admitted the myopic sadist. “But everyone would agree he’s the kind of friend you can really count on! Get it? Haha!”

“Me meep,” agreed Honeydew’s submissive man-child Beaker, nervously attempting to fake a smile.