Snowstorms Worst to
Hit U.S. Since Winter
America hit hard by strange, cold, white frozen water
WHIT PISTOL
Foolish commuters abandon their cars as the roads are coated with deadly ice, unaware they have significantly increased their chances of suffering extreme frigidity.
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Americans who survived the weekend are gearing up for even worse weather in the near future, as the country continues to be belted by the worst snows since Winter.
The National Weather Service issued a “snow” alert for the colder portions of the country, warning that dropping temperatures could lead to more frozen precipitation and the possible disasters that usually result from bad snowstorms.
Most were taken by surprise last week when heavy snows began falling from the sky, accumulating on the ground and making for unusual driving conditions, as well as dangerous outside work or play environments. It was a shock when a mere three months ago the temperatures were routinely in the 60- or even 70-degrees in the same areas.
“I was out here wearing a jacket last week, just raking up the leaves,” said Trenton, New Jersey McDonald’s Manager Vera Klein. “I came out this morning and, instantly, I was cold. I have to put on a heavier jacket. I don’t even know what to think.”
The surprising, out-of-the-blue storms resulted in the deaths of four people across the East Coast, most in traffic-related accidents. Some are worried it’s only the tip of the iceberg, pun intended.
“Traffic deaths are the most obvious,” said New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg on Saturday, speaking on a private C.B. radio from his snowed-in mansion. “When the snow melts, I worry we may find bodies under the snow. The people who didn’t make it out in time.”
In some areas, early estimates were putting the snow in the inches, or occasionally the foot, foot and half. Few were getting out to validate those claims, however.
Some were visiting from other, sunnier climates when the snow instantly fell and trapped them in their East Coast locations. Kenny Gulliver, a retired traveling hobo from Arizona, was vacationing with his harmonica in Philadelphia when the snowstorms hit.
“I managed to find me a rail yard and a boxcar full of pimentos, so I’ll be okay,” said Gulliver. “For a while, anyway. You just got to hope it will all be over soon and you’ll be able to see the ground again. Some people are saying this could last until Spring, maybe even longer. You got to pray that’s not the case.”
Gulliver then proceeded to play “Pick a Bale of Cotton” as requested, and we bided the time until a snowmobile rescue team picked the two of us up. There wasn’t enough room for the harmonica.
Linda “Muscles” McClanahan, a spokesperson from the National Weather Service, advised people to keep calm and think rationally.
“Obviously you don’t want to go out in this weather unless it’s absolutely necessary,” said McClanahan, “or you really want to see what everyone else is doing out there. If you have to go out, take some precaution. Wear clothes, maybe even more than one pair. If you wear two hats, take a picture of it and send it to us—we might make you our ‘Wacky Hat of the Month’ winner. Put chains on your tires to improve your car’s traction, or your unicycle. Put some chains on the top of the car as well, in case it rolls over. Put some chains on yourself, too. It’s not necessarily useful, but you can pretend to be the only survivor in a Mad Max-type post-apocalyptic future.”
Having tried it, this reporter can vouch for the effectiveness of all suggestions, especially the latter.
the commune news is good at surviving the cold, having spent six months living in a refrigerator when we were in-between apartments. Boner Cunningham is our teen correspondent, and we figure since it’s fourteen-below outside that’s good enough to qualify as his beat.
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