WHIT PISTOL Ray Charles, wearing jacket believed responsible for Iowa couch's missing upholstery.

Hollywood favorites Julia Roberts and Halle Berry headed the Best Dressed List, along with up-and-coming stars like Kate Hudson, Kate Beckinsdale, and Reese Witherspoon. Also included was popular actress Nicole Kidman, Ally McBeal’s Callista Flockhart, Will & Grace’s Debra Messing, and Felicity’s Keri Russell.

The upset this year was People’s Worst Dressed List, unusually topped by star of yesteryear musician Ray Charles, and followed by Washuka, Wisconsin Wal-Mart associate Edna Applebaum.

Charles, labeled a “fashion disaster” by People Magazine editors, was accused of having no sense of color and wearing suits “from Liberace’s garbage can.” Among the harshest-critiqued outfits from Charles’ closet was a gold lamé jacket worn on a Tonight Show appearance and a red velvet suit Charles wore to a charity event to benefit the homeless.

“You know you’re in trouble when you show up to a benefit for the homeless and people are giving the money directly to you,” said People editors. “The charity recipients must have been offering to donate their outfits to Ray.”

Runner-up to Worst Dressed was Wisconsin housewife Edna Applebaum, breaking the long tradition of choosing listmakers from the celebrity pool.

“Sometimes you just can’t let someone slide just because they’re not famous at all,” People Magazine editors explained. “And Mrs. Applebaum has gotten away with fashion crimes for way too long. With her greeting the shoppers at the Washuka Wal-Mart, you can bet there’s one town where K-Mart’s clothing sales are through the roof.”

Nor are the editors excusing Mrs. Applebaum’s age in their evaluation of her fashion.

“Even at 65 Mrs. Applebaum should know better than a pink chiffon babushka for church—God sees all, and it makes Him nauseous. And no matter what generation she lived through, flower-print spandex pants were never in fashion. The Depression must have been all the more depressing when Mrs. Applebaum showed up.”

The surprise additions to this year’s Worst-Dressed List are part of People’s new “take no prisoners” policy toward fashion offenders, and they promise even more merciless criticism next year.

“Let the warning go out to everyone: We see the black socks and red jogging shorts of a certain unemployed 7-11 shopper in Fresno, California, and we’ll be making our list and checking you twice. And a note to Stephen Hawking: If you really want to look smart, dump the cardigans and add a couple of Armanis to the closet.”

the commune news is compiling a list of best and worst dressed around the office, and let’s just say things are not looking good right now. As for reporter Bludney Plud—who knew they made corduroy overalls in adult sizes?

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