DAN YANKEES
The pre-Sept. 11th New York skyline, before phallic representations of power were forever made flaccid
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DAN YANKEES
The pre-Sept. 11th New York skyline, before phallic representations of power were forever made flaccid
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“I hope they give us the day off at work,” said Texas cell phone salesman Bob Whiterich. “It’s like a national tragedy and crap. How are people supposed to work on a day like that? And if I knew I could take a couple of vacation days Monday and Tuesday and head to the beach with the family.”
Most companies and government agencies have decided against imposing a holiday, feeling the anniversary would be spent better keeping businesses and services functioning as normal. Even plans for restricting air travel on Sept. 11th have been declined, feeling the statement to the rest of the world, including Muslim extremists believed to have launched the attacks, is a stronger exclamation of solidarity and a country affected, yet not shaken in their resolve by terrorism.
Mark Turnskit, a 42-year-old UPS driver and volunteer fireman in Piermont, North Dakota, however, thinks that is bullshit.
“It’s bullshit, man,” said Turnskit. “We need a day to remember the importance of it all and stuff. I have a lot of friends back east, in Ohio. A cousin of one of them was married to a firefighter and I think he may have been in the World Trade Center disaster and stuff. I haven’t talked to them in a long time—I don’t write letters and all, you know, and I don’t have their e-mail address or anything. The worst part is not knowing.”
Added Turnskit, “I’m a firefighter, so I know what it’s like. I could have been in that place just as easy as all the guys who were.”
California telemarketer Steve Gerber has made no change in plans for Sept. 11th. “What is that, a Wednesday? I don’t imagine I’ll have time to think about the loss of lives and how great it is to live in a country that is still the most secure and wealthiest on the planet. Maybe some time in the evening, after work, if there’s something on the Discovery Channel talking about it or—aw, shit. West Wing is on that night, right?”
“I would take a minute or two to stop and think about life and death and all that,” said Howett, Tennessee factory worker Milt Darling, “but the Dodge has been crapping out on me a lot, lately. I’ll probably have to worry about getting a ride to work. Life’s so fucking unfair, man.”
Decatur, Georgia realtor Shari Cartier summed up the feelings of most Americans on the subject: “It will be a dark day. This has been the greatest tragedy in history of all time. Something like 6,000 people died—that’s more than died in Vietnam, you know. But, c’mon, I got my own life to worry about. Those damn Peel St. properties aren’t going to move themselves. And the kids can’t take themselves to karate.”
The most significant commemoration of the day, outside of New York and Washington, D.C., is likely to come from Perkins, Nebraska, where button collector and local crackpot Vernon Heston is planning on building a scale model of the World Trade Center towers out of Popsicle sticks. Although, according to Heston, if the price of Popsicles continues to skyrocket, the whole thing will be scrapped.
the commune news would love to take a few minutes of silence for the victims of the disaster, but that goddamn Omar Bricks says the off button on his stereo is broken. Ramrod Hurley sort of reminds us of a dog that knows how to take a good beating, then turns around and takes a good dump in your shoes.
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