KITTY PORN (INSET: FUTURE WEBCAM) Future Bob (inset) warns of long ticket lines, like for Episode I

Without giving away too much, the film, in which a confused and betrayed Anakin Skywalker must choose between the Dark Side or his former friends in the Republic, is a fast and pleasing action sci-fi movie the likes of which Star Wars fans have been waiting for since the release of 1999’s Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, which started the new Trilogy.

A truly bad-ass lightsaber fight, the hallmark of all Star Wars films, is tightly choreographed and undoubtedly the best lightsaber battle ever captured on film. Luke Vs. Vader? Piss on that, this is the king. You have no idea what awaits.

Standing in line for one entire week to get tickets to the much-anticipated as-yet-unmade-in-your-time film, “Future Bob” Kandinsky and his buddies were dressed as much-beloved Gungans, Jango Fett, Twikkets (new creatures introduced in the new third installment), and Obi-Wan Kenobi, Future Bob’s favorite. They achieved ticket purchase at 10:09 a.m., Wednesday, May 4, 2005 to the film, aiding in making it the third biggest ever preorder on tickets as of 2005, behind only The Matrix Gets Married and Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.

Despite the huge hype surrounding the film as trailers innundated the market, critics and naysayers everywhere were doubtful the third film would live up to expectations. Those fools were wrong.

Figures estimate the box office take for the film to be $400 million, making it the biggest opening ever for a Hollywood film, and the second biggest in history behind the independent film Mark’s Dog Can’t Fly, Yo, the surprise hit of 2004 that made Yon Frateman a household name.

the commune news is not happy with its investment in tin foil, Irving. Future Bob may not have all the snooty “credentials” of a real journalist, but crimeny, he’s from the future, you jaded bastards. The future! That’s what he says, anyhow.

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