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The Land and the Sea
by Ulysses P. Crackbutter
Monday, Feb. 4, 2002
The land is in love
with the sea, you see?
And drinks it in
nightly and day (time).
When the land it breathes in,
The ocean runs to him,
And when he exhales
The sea runs away.
His doctor says “Ocean!
You stop this at once!
Your sodium intake is absurd!
Have you tried switching to rainwater once,
Mixed with the occasional bird?
Be sensible man, you can’t keep this up!
Your blood pressure levels are frightening!
If you don’t quit, your lava will spurt,
And your heart will be attacked by lightning!”
The land, he tried to heed the advice,
And all of low tide he was good.
But when the tide came up later that day
He drank in much more than he should.
His doctor was miffed, he puffed and he whiffed,
But the courtship was just meant to be.
And when he went out on his yacht that same day
That same doctor drown in the sea.
And the land’s still in love with the sea, you see?
Now this story is not only mine
And furthermore, I wouldn’t mess with the sea...
Unless you want lungs full of brine!
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Milestones
1992: Ramon Nootles is married in Las Vegas. It is not the last wedding for Nootles, nor his last in Las Vegas, nor his last making heavy use of alcohol and strippers.
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Now Hiring
Hooker. Must pretend to be girlfriend while bosses are visiting. Live with handsome
bachelor, no sex involved, go on crazy shopping expeditions with high potential for
comedy. Should be capable of winning people over with down-to-earth personality.
If successful, will go on to become full-time beard for obviously gay attractive man.
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Top Box Office
1. |
Ashley Judd's Weird Appeal
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Black Man Down
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3. |
The Royal Waterbong
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4. |
Trailer for Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
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5. |
Freddie Prinze Jr. Smiles Dumbly For 90 Minutes
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Copyright © 2002 the.commune Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is likely to piss off her dad big-time.
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When I Was Nine
When I was nine I had a very fine time, and a very fine time had me. I bothered no one and I high-fived the sun and I slept in a mulberry tree.
Dreamin’ in Dreamland
I’m dreamin’ a dream of a dream I once had about a dream that I had once before.
Sunflake
Oh, to be a phantom sunflake, resting on the bile. A single, golden, shining sunflake, gurgling in the Nile.
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U IGNORANT
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Handimaster 3000
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Miniver Cheevy's 1000-Watt Television Paradise
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UPC Television Network
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