You have to give Bob Villa credit, he does have a very inventive way of stalking...

Chucky was found as a quick replacement, when Teddy Ruxbin's greeting, "I do obscene things to trees for honey," made the Catholics nervous.

"Dead dog! Dead dog for sale! Dirt cheap! You don't have to feed him! He can't sit or fetch, but he stays like a motherfucker! Dirt cheap!"

DeBeers: A diamond says forever...and so does a bullet in a vital organ...

"Come give your Granny a kiss." "No way! You smell like dried urine." "Show some respect for your elders, you little shit. Now give me some tongue!"

"Now although it's not really necessary to use the severed finger of a small child for a pick, I find they make the best- WHY ARE YOU BOOING ALL THE SUDDEN!?"

He hasn't been talking much to me laterly since I replaced his scale replica of Cinderellas Castle with this scale replica septic tank...

"Poorly Researched Theatre" proudly presents George Clooney as a a pimpin' Martin Luther King Jr. in the new film, "Martin tha Mack."

Schwimmer Audition take 53: "I like, y'know, tabasco rubbed all over my nether regions."

Aunt Jemimah was found guilty of six counts of illegal syrup trafficking.

"What's that over there? HA! Made myself look!" (Pranks of the truly lonely)

The Maytag Washboard repairman, circa 1782.

*whispering* "Don't tell the men, Miguel, but every time we drill for water, all that comes up is thick, black gunk. We'll be ruined."

"Just as Steve finishes his exact model of Pearl Harbor formed completely out of sand, he notices a sand bomber from Japan..."

"How about for $50 I get to call you Hooch and you nuzzle up to my crotch?"

<slobber> <smooch> <suck> Bill began to suspect she was having an affair.

Despite the laborious eight-hour operation, there was no way they could save the 386.

"Roger that Houston. He's also carrying moonbeams home in a jar. Over." "Fire at will." "Roger."

Everyone thinks I'm psychotic... except for my friends deep inside the earth.

Jeffery Dalhmer, the series.

Tim Allen may not have been the best choice to play Quasimodo...

The roadies escort Kieth Richards up on stage.

Note to self: clearly label shampoo and Kool Aid.

"Shirl, don't be alarmed... but I think we're being followed. By Tylenol."

"Oh Reginald, you remembered the rubber panties!" "Yehehesssss."

Terminator III: The Pinfield Suite (or, how the heck did Matt's voice get like that? Well, a bullet in the throat helps...)

Corn! Corn corn corn corn corn corn-- *Hey, knock it off! You know we call it maize!

The amazing adventures of Narcolepsy Man: "Ahhh... must speed to the dange-zzzzzz..." *SCREEEE!* *CRASH!*

Greeting's and welcome to Mutual Of Omaha's Wild World of Insurance Fraud...

This call is free.