"Amplewoman! Save me!""I'm coming!" <crunch> "I wish they made these elevator shafts wider."

Mary, proud to have just completed a 10,000 piece puzzle, runs out of her house and trips into a thresher, becoming 10,000 pieces. Oh the irony.

Unfortunetly the clock had stuck Midnight, and Don Lapre was already starting to revert to his natura... no norma... no... usual form.

"Ok, I'll tell you one last time, Three guys go into a bar-" "Did they have any coke?" "Dammit Slater, there's just no talking to you!"

While brother Fred is out terrorizing teens in their sleep, Spiffy Krueger is forced to stay at home and terrorize his goldfish with tales from Reader's Digest.

We've tapped into the datingbase for "Lowered Expectations."

Hot plate, bed pan... they all look the same at three in the morning in the dark!

It was a painful experience, grading H.R. Giger's science fair project: the effects of industrial tubing and a screw-vise on hamsters.

"Shoot! Elevator broke down! What do we do?" "Luscious sweaty threesome?" "I meant, call for help? Try to get out--" "I have to go with him on this. Threesome here."

The Gen-X adaption of the comic book heroes, "Whatever's Archie."

Did I ever tell you about the dream where I ride you like a viking, Tom?

Nancy scrubbed for three solid hours before realizing she's been trying to scour off the pattern. And by then most of it was gone.

<bonk!> "Hee hee!" <bonk!> "Ha ha!" <bonk!> "Dont worry, you'll get that T-2000 morph thru the bars thing right!" <bonk!> "keep trying..." <bonk!> "HA HA!"

Jeez, they could of sprung for a doorbell.

"Compton... 91187"

More proof that Carrot Top is immortal. not even a point-blank Quickening can kill him. Damn!

Umm, Dad? What are you doing now? "Shhh, I'm polishing the doorknob...." That's sick dad! "Yeah, hee, I know!"

"I'm gonna jump in here to remind everyone that naked Twister was my suggestion" "Dad!" "Grease me up, boy."

"Oooo, hold on there officer, no plungers for me"

"Gee Bob. I don't think we're supposed to scratch each OTHER in public."

"Medival Sexual Education featured a scroll entitled 'Thoust Crotch and Thee.'"

"You know Charlie, throwing battery acid in my face is getting old, just pay me the freaking Alimony!"

"Mom, I hate when uncle Boner comes to visit" "Shush boy, its for your inheritance."

The infamous "acid flashback" scene from The Bill Gates Story.

"Yes... I know ma'am. He was a very patriotic hamster and he died bravely... but it's time to lay him to rest now."

Let's see how Julie reacts with this compound in her bloodstream.

People stared in amazement as Jill's head imploded unleashing a whirlpool of darkness and frothing evil.