WikiMsting/Episode 2

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The Film

Since the final vote was 1 to 1 and I forgot to vote, I'm using the producer's perogative and we're going with the coffee movie. We may have to trim some of it out, so any thoughts on how to pick what to cut are welcome. The other candidates that had mostly positive comments will be back in thenext round, and more round three candidates can be suggested on the discussion tab. --GersonK 14:28, 8 January 2007 (EST)

• This Is Coffee 11:56

YouTube part 1 YouTube part 2 Viddler, all in one

A lot of overblown narration about coffee and extracting that precious flavor from "the closed fist of the bean". May be tough to get a riff in edgewise at some points.

Comments: I thought the first half was pretty good, but as it continues on with variation after variation on "Here's *another* way to make coffee! Like the previous 43 ways, it involves coffee ... and water", I think the opportunities for interesting riffs will be limited.--YibbleGuy 23:00, 3 January 2007 (EST)

I'm leaning between this one and Dial, though I haven't watched Leisure Time yet. For me, the how to make coffee section was any more repetitive than the how to dial section, and we could lose one of the last two methods (probably drip) just as easily as part of the dialing instructions.

--GersonK 01:38, 4 January 2007 (EST)

The Shooting Script

Here's the 'finalized' script with initial line assignments. Trading is acceptable, but try to avoid getting too many lines in a row. NOTE: We need to vote on the lines at 12:05.

Script

The Script (Part I)

The script has now been mashed together with consistent timestmaps against one of the versions on my hard drive. I've tried to mash the competeting lines together between horizontal rules, hopefully this is legible. The "X of Y" notes beneath a rule means we can probably fit in X out of the next Y lines, makred off with another rule at the bottom. Just add a + (yes) or - (no) in front of lines you like or dislike. You can give ANY line a thumbs or thumbs down, but it's most important on the competing lines. Highest net positives win. If a non-competing line gets a net negative score, we'll consider dropping it. You may want to hold your negatives for lines you really want dropped. I've also added a few questions for the writers, so look lively! --GersonK 23:23, 22 January 2007 (EST)

I'm not sure what YouTube's rules on strong language is. Asking cappers to keep it clean is sort of crazy, but maybe we can think twice on profanities. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

00:05 {music plays, clock ticks} "You can come out of the isolation booth now!" ---- Pumaman2o

00:07 (leaky faucet) "10:15 on a Saturday night" --Matteus 14 Jan

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I think we can use one out of the next three here

00:16 {Shot of sleeping androgyne in eyemask} "It's time to play 'Guess that Gender'! The blindfold is in place, and would our mystery guest sign in please!" --YibbleGuy 09:47, 13 January 2007 (EST)

00:16 {Shot of sleeping androgyne in eyemask} "Wake up Mr. Bowie--it's time to go record 'Aladdin Sane'!"

00:16 "Roman Polanski's The Tenant" --Matteus 14 Jan

• I like these equally, but I also forgot to throw in a mention that we could paraphrase HanoverF's joke from when we capped this screengrab on IS: "Holy God, Gerson really does sleep with a cow's liver over his eyes!" --Jazz

I have no preference among the three. (I'm voting on ones I'm in--since I'm often voting against myself, or indicating that I think all options are equally good.) I also think we should possibly consider cutting the entire first minute of the film. It has an almost Manos-like randomness that I think will cause the YouTube viewer to get bored and click away from it before we really get rolling.--YibbleGuy 19:17, 23 January 2007 (EST)

I,m kinda partial to not cutting because I have so few riffs that I got in ... wish we had another week to send in lines ---- Pumaman2.0

• I'd rather not cut the beginning, the jokes are random so why not the film itself? -Matteus

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Two out of the next three

+00:24 {Alarm goes off} o/~ Wake up and smell the caffeine in your bank account --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

+- 00:28 (alarm still ringing) Bitch, get your drunk ass up already! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

00:29 (ringing continues) "she better answer her phone" (hand grabs clock) "oh" (hey, where'd my name go?) -- Matteus I'm not sure, hasn't been there for a while. --GersonK 19:40, 23 January 2007 (EST)

I thought it was a phone, too, so I'm inclined to go with Matt's.--YibbleGuy 19:17, 23 January 2007 (EST)

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The next two should work ok with a little pause

+ 00:37 [As soon as woman's foot appears] HONEY WEST! --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

+ 00:37 {woman walks down the stairs to the beat of the jazzy music} "Everyone should have Brian Setzer around to play your theme music" ---- Pumaman2o {rewritten riff]

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couldn't remeber the spelling of the ex-Stray Cat's name, Gerson .. thanks for the catch --- Pumaman2o

• Wasn't trying to make a big issue about this, but the musician's name is Setzer. Or are you looking to do a play on seltzer? --GersonK 21:40, 25 January 2007 (EST)

_________

The next three should work, as long as we have more than one riffer

00:55 {the jazzy theme switches slightly to more jazz and we see instant coffee being made} "Peter Gunn's coffee is made" --- Pumaman2o

00:58 (spooning & spilling coffee) Coffee: It’s what’s for dinner. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

01:02 {Third spoonfull into pot, plenty of grounds are visible on the counter} Uhh miss? Miss, you're spilling it. --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

(Following Gerson's) "Give her a break, she hasn't had her coffee yet." --Matteus 14 Jan

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I think we can either have just my (Gerson's) run or both Jazz' and Yibble, but not all three.

+1:10 {"Is this coffee?"} [Confused] Umm, yes? {"No!"} [Momentarily convinced] Ok. Wait, what? {"This is coffee"} [Lost] Huhnh? --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

-1:10 (Is this coffee?) I vote liquid shit. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

+ 1:15 {"Is this coffee? Why, no--THIS is coffee"} "I thought Pam Grier was Coffy."--YibbleGuy 19:14, 8 January 2007 (EST)

The Pam Grier joke is my favorite among my submittals, but the "confused" riff is excellent also. Any chance that there's another series of pronouncements elsewhere in the film where the "confused" riff would work?--YibbleGuy 19:17, 23 January 2007 (EST)

• I think all three could fit. It could play out something like this

NARR.: "Is this coffee?"

1: "Umm, yes?"

2: "I vote liquid shit"

NARR.: "No!"

1: "OK. Wait, what?"

NARR.: "This is coffee"

1: "huhnh?"

3: "I thought Pam Grier was Coffy" -Matteus

• I like Matteus' solution, with or without my line. --Jazz
  • There's only about a second and a half to fit "Umm, yes" & "I vote liquid shit" into without stomping "No!". If we want to go with all three, I think we need to drop the "OK. Wait, what?" --GersonK 00:05, 26 January 2007 (EST)
    • I'd rather drop my shit line so we can fit Gerson's whole routine plus Matteus' line, I'm not sad at all about losing that one. --Jazz

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1:19 {Over "The Coffee Brewing Institute presents"} In asociation with the RAND Corporation --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

1:21 ("This is Coffee!" on screen) "A Quinn Martin Production!" --Matteus 14 Jan [if we don't use this here, can place this riff somewhere else? .. it being an old chestnut ---Pumaman2.o]

+ 1:21 (This is Coffee! Title) A David St. Hubbins Production, starring Pam Grier. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

• Seems like these two conflict as well. I'd say go with Matteus', as Pam Grier came up in other jokes as well --Jazz
  • I think both lines can be squeezed in, provided they're given to riffers with distinctly different voices. If the other Pam Grier line doesn't make it in, then there should be no prob if we can time it. Otherwise, the producer (me) and the script editor (me) will have to confer and take your comment into consideration. --GersonK 19:40, 23 January 2007 (EST)

1:24 ("Produced by..." on screen) "Who spit in my coffee?" --Matteus 14 Jan

1:25 {"Produced by Vision Associates" credit} "Followed by: 'The Story of Optometry,' Produced by Juan Valdez."--YibbleGuy 21:44, 14 January 2007 (EST) [perhaps we can use the Quinn Martin Joke instead but either works - Pumaman2.o]

1:32 (Beans spilling "Our story begins here…") Beneath the latrines at the Rabbit Academy… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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One of the next two

1:38 (in the closed fist of a bean) freed by the open fist of Coffee’s pimp, Chuckles. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

1:41 {... caught in the closed fist of the bean, freed then by ...} "... the 13th Amendment."--YibbleGuy 18:53, 10 January 2007 (EST)

I have no preference here.--YibbleGuy 19:17, 23 January 2007 (EST)

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1:44 (endless cascade. Brewed…) Brewed to be rude, baby. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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One of the next three

01:47 {"..consumed in the hundreds of millions of cupfuls each day"} And that's just counting Dave Foley {can we come up with a more infamous coffee drinker?} --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

01:48 ("...millions of cupfuls each day") "...and served in tiny frying pans." --Matteus 14 Jan

++ 1:49 (millions of cupfuls each day) in this house alone. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

I like the "frying pans" playing off of the weird handles.--YibbleGuy 19:24, 23 January 2007 (EST)

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1:54 (Three cups on table "so much a part of our lives") Kiiiids! Coffee’s on! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

01:59 ("Reaches deeply into the culture of many lands") "must be talking about coffee enemas" --Matteus 17 Jan

2:09 {"From tree ..."} o/` "... to shining tree." o/`--YibbleGuy 17:28, 12 January 2007 (EST)

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One of the next two

++ 2:11 {shot of single male bean picker} "Juan Valdez's not so smarter brother" ----- Pumaman2o

02:11 {Man picking coffee, music swells} o/~ Brazil, we walked upon your fruited plains --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

[Gerson's can be used later, maybe ... Pumaman2.o] No preference.--YibbleGuy 19:24, 23 January 2007 (EST)

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2:15 (guys just picking beans) "It's the Coffee Bean Mambo!" --Matteus 14 Jan

2:18 (long shot of guys picking beans) *cow milking sounds* --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

• I've never milked a cow. how does one make this sound? - Matteus
  • The real trick is getting the cow into the studio. Seriously though, I was just thinking the "squirt-ding! squirt-ding!" of the milk hitting the bucket. Probably best to dub in the real sound effect, but it can be mouthed if using the actual sound violates the principles of the project. --Jazz
    • The project doesn't have a whole lot of principles. My taste would run towards just making mooing noises at the appropriate times (I like to think I can do a good cow impersonation), since that's more in keeping with the mst style of pretending it's spontaneous as opposed to the clearly orchestrated style of Cheap Seats, not that there's anything wrong with that. But it's your line and if you (or somebody else) can come up with the appropriate sfx, more power to ya. --GersonK 18:15, 25 January 2007 (EST)
      • I'm mostly concerned with the joke being clear. Mimicked milking sounds PLUS Gerson's legendary cow impersonation would probably work great and make it obvious enough. --Jazz

2:24 {two men pouring beans into a sack} (guy on right) 'Hey Earl, we can have a sack race later' ---Pumaman2o

(Is this meant to be delivered as the brother from My Name Is Earl? Or do I have an overactive imagination? --GersonK 23:23, 22 January 2007 (EST))

[no, as in 'Earl' from any number of MST3K shorts, say Truck Farmer --- Pumaman2.o. ]

2:27 (dumping beans in bag) Unbreakable gumball machine my ass! Heh heh. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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One out of two (Though the long form of Yibble's line probably knocks out "Tradition!")

2:45 {"... to which the talents of millions of men are devoted during their lifetime."} "The *women* we showed slaving away in the previous shot are secondary, unimportant creatures."--YibbleGuy 17:32, 12 January 2007 (EST)

(Yibble - This line is actually over a shot of women. How do you feel about changing it to "These *women* slaving away are secondary, unimportant creatures."? --GersonK 23:23, 22 January 2007 (EST)) I agree with the change.--YibbleGuy 19:24, 23 January 2007 (EST)

2:45 (the talents of millions of men) and these lovely transvestites… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

• I think both line'll work if Yibble's was shortened and used after Jazz's -Matteus
• We probably should do one or the other, since my joke was about the narrator calling the women men, so therefore they must be men in drag. Calling them women immediately after might be confusing. --Jazz
• I don't think there'd be much confusion. Both jokes come from different angles. -Matteus

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2:48 {"...to which tradition..."} o/~ Tradition! --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

2:55 (man shakes his head over cup) *in a patronising voice* "No, you're not good coffee at all! no" --Matteus 14 Jan

3:01 (man leans into the next one) *loud snorting* --Matteus 14 Jan

3:07 (a flavor that is just right.) Nosehair. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

03:12 {"...around the world..."} 0/~ Pretty ladies, I got a weird thing to show you [I'll cop to not remembering the tune exactly, but it is a thread unto itself with the nite shift, so it seems to be compulsory http://hipsoda.com/jazz/gallery/cameo.html ] --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

• I like this joke, and since the line in the song is "Yo pretty ladies, around the world" I think it would be funniest to sing the "Yo pretty ladies" immediately before the narrator says "around the world" --Jazz
  • I'm going to vote for the illusion of spontaneity that comes with not leading into the narrator's lines over being precise in our quotes. --GersonK 19:40, 23 January 2007 (EST)

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One of the next two

3:12 (many exotic forms) "Table of the World" not to scale. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

+3:14 ("...many forms") "Usually liquid form" --Matteus 14 Jan

No preference.--YibbleGuy 19:24, 23 January 2007 (EST)

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3:19 {pictures from Paris "... A dream expressed in Cafe Au Lait" } "ole" ---Pumaman2o

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One out of the next three (Matt - please revote, a third options been added!)

3:25 {"Half coffee and half hot milk"} "...and all evil!" --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

3:25 {"Half coffee and half hot milk"} "...and half cheese!" --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

• (I like the "all evil" joke) --Matteus 14 Jan
• I still vote 'all evil', it has a good flow to it and can be understood if 'home recorded' -Matteus

- 3:25 {"Half coffee and half hot milk"} And half bull semen. Ole! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

No preference.--YibbleGuy 19:24, 23 January 2007 (EST)

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3:35 {"much like cafe au lait"} *same as pumaman's* "Ole!" --Matteus 14 Jan

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One out of two

3:41 {"and a sprinkle of grated orange peel"} *Mario Bros' voice* "Mama Mia!" --Matteus 14 Jan

++ 3:41 {"and a sprinkle of grated orange peel) And a dead crab. Just for kicks! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

• I was just wondering, how do we make sure people don't vote twice? - Matteus

Matt, I answered your question in the talk tab --GersonK 19:40, 23 January 2007 (EST)

I like the dead crab.--YibbleGuy 19:24, 23 January 2007 (EST)

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One out of two

++ 3:50 {"The music of old Vienna--in a cup!"} "Puree of Mozart."--YibbleGuy 18:49, 10 January 2007 (EST)

+3:50 {"The music of old Vienna--in a cup!"} Krautrock in an athletic supporter. Who’s thirsty? --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

No preference.--YibbleGuy 19:24, 23 January 2007 (EST)

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One out of two

3:55 {"drift of whipped cream"} "...and a fifth of vodka" --Matteus 14 Jan

+3:55 {"drift of whipped cream"} And an out-of-control hydroplane into Cool Whip. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

• I try not to vote on ones involving my captions but I just want to mention that mine is to be said in the same beat as the narrator - Matteus

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The Script (part II)

04:03 {"...the mystery of Istanbul..."} Not Constantinople --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

4:09 {"The mystery of Istanbul ... in Turkish coffee."} "Midnight Expresso."--YibbleGuy 19:45, 8 January 2007 (EST)

4:09 (Hiding the rich, sweet broo) …d. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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One of the next two. Matt, do you think the second "like my men" could stand as just "like my men"?

• mine is a reference to the movie Airplane when the girl says she takes her coffee black like her men, same joke won't work later on - Matteus

4:15 ("served black") "Like my men." --Matteus 14 Jan

+4:15 (served black) like your servants. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

• No preference.--YibbleGuy 19:43, 23 January 2007 (EST)

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4:17 (in tiny cups) like your wife. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

4:18 ("plenty of sugar") "Again, like my men." --Matteus 14 Jan

4:22 ("but always it is coffee") "what the fuck dude? you just told me that it wasn't!" *I had a stronger word there but I wasn't sure what the profanity rules were --Matteus 14 Jan

• YouTube features much worse things than some PG-13 language. I don't think swearing will be a problem. --Jazz

• OK, I put the fuck back in - Matteus

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One out of three

4:31 ("Success lies in a single word") "Plastics." --Matteus 14 Jan

+4:31 {"...success lies in a single word..."} Coffee? {"...care"} Whatever. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

4:31 (success lies in a single word…) Opium. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

• Regardless of which one wins I think the 'whatever' part should stay - Matteus
• I second the mandatory "whatever." --Jazz

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4:39 (three simple ingredients) Gas station men’s room tap water… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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One of two

4:42 ("Water, Coffee...") "oh really? coffee?" --Matteus 14 Jan

+4:43 (Coffee) Grandma… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

(Jazz - should this line actually be delivered in the split second between the cap coming off and the announcer saying coffee?)

• That would be best if it can be fit, as soon as the "grounds" are visible, but it can work any time you can see the coffee. --Jazz

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One out of two

4:45 (time) Garage sale housewares… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

4:45 {"... water, coffee, time"} o/` "Are you goin' to Scarborough Fair?/ Parsley, Water, Coffee, and Time .... " o/'--YibbleGuy 19:52, 8 January 2007 (EST) (Yibble - Do you think this one will still work with riffs on Water & coffee? )

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(I think the next two can be squeezed in together. What do you think, sirs?)

4:54 {"The beginning is the coffeepot."} "And the Word was with the coffeepot. And the Word was the coffeepot."--YibbleGuy 18:56, 10 January 2007 (EST)

4:54 (is the coffee pot) Steal as many as you can find. Make a game of it! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

• I vote Jazz's - Matteus
• I think there's a pretty long pause there, both could probably fit if they were recorded in different-enough voices to make it clear they're separate jokes. --Jazz

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One of two

+5:04 {Bulbous double coffee pot - the first one} Tom Servo's cousin! --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

5:04 (..the same thing in a different way) Like Mexican laborers --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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5:10 (hourglass shaped pot) "This one doubles as a still." --Matteus 14 Jan [There are two sort of hourglassed shaped ones, I think either one could support the still line, but I sort of think my Servo line only works with the first one, if at all. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)]

• yeah, you can move that line to where it doesn't butt up against the Servo joke - Matteus

5:20 {"To make a good cup of coffee, your coffee maker must be clean"} "As must your soul"

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There was much debate and rewriting here. Rather than taking any of the reactions as retractions, I've in fact taken the liberty of hacking Yibble's somewhat retracted first attempt here to something less wordy. I think we can handle one out of the first four. The 5:29 line may or may not work with the others, so we'll use it it gets high marks or the winning line doesn't step on it.

5:24 {"Free from all remembrances of that last pot of coffee"} 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Coffeemaker'!"--YibbleGuy 19:58, 8 January 2007 (EST)

5:24 (same as above) "and free of sin" --Matteus 14 Jan

{"Free from all remembrances of ..."} "... Things Past."

{"Free from all remembrances of that last pot of coffee"} "... with new Alzheimer's Crystals!"--YibbleGuy 18:14, 17 January 2007 (EST)

+5:24 (from that last pot of coffee) as well as skin mites, dandruff, and herpes. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

5:29 {"Ready to begin its work anew--fresh, and really clean!"} "Much like a freshly douched vagina."--YibbleGuy 20:01, 8 January 2007 (EST)

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One out of two

5:39 ("Water.") "Water sir?" (Are there stage directions fo this?)

• Think along the lines of in Prince of Space when Krankor would send his men to find prince of space and they'd respond "Prince of space sir?" - Matteus

+5:39 ("Water.") *in same narrator voice* "Thirsty, sick man." --Matteus 14 Jan

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5:43 {"Too much? Or too little?"} "Because 'just right' is simply not an option."--YibbleGuy 20:03, 8 January 2007 (EST)

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One of two

5:49 ("boiled first or later or not at all") "OK now you're just being mean!" --Matteus 14 Jan

+5:49 (or not at all!) Fuggit! Don’t let them tell you what is and what isn’t coffee! *HIC* --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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5:51 {weirdly overemphatic "How Long"} "How long, O Lord, how long! THY WICKEDNESS IS A SNARE UNTO ME, BABYLON!"--YibbleGuy 20:13, 8 January 2007 (EST)

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One of two

5:57 {"But yet, there *is* only one correct way."} "But, the Bhagavad-Gita says that there are *many* ways within the one way." --YibbleGuy 20:16, 8 January 2007 (EST)

+5:57 (Same as above) "Ah, Catholic Coffee" --Matteus 14 Jan

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5:59 {"Water: the first element"} "Can you tell that I failed high-school chemistry?"--YibbleGuy 21:52, 14 January 2007 (EST)

6:02 {"clean and cold"} "Like Marie Osmond"--YibbleGuy 21:54, 14 January 2007 (EST)

6:11 ("Then brought to a full boil") "I should be taking notes shouldn't I"

--Matteus 14 Jan

6:19 ("and again questions...") "...about sexual preference" --Matteus 14 Jan

6:24 (percolator?) Burger later? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.

--Jazzsoda 21 Jan

6:26 {"...percolator, or fine?"} Riffer 1: "Fine with me. You?" Riffer 2:

"Sure." --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

6:27 ("how much?") "How should I know??" --Matteus 14 Jan

6:29 ("Coffee") "Coffee?" --Matteus 14 Jan

6:35 (can makes noise) "New Botchalism Coffee!" --Matteus 14 Jan

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One of two

6:45 {"One level CBI measure per cup."} "Followed by 'CBI: Miami', on most of these CBS stations."--YibbleGuy 18:23, 9 January 2007 (EST)

6:46 (one level CBI measure) That’s Coffee Burn Index, for those of you playing at home --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

• maybe if the lines were shortened, "Followed by 'CBI Miami'" and "That stands for Coffee Burn Index" - Matteus
• Both could work together. If we can only fit one, I think Yibble's is better. --Jazz

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6:54 ("This... is the same as this.") "and that is...?" --Matteus 14 Jan

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One of two

+6:59 {"...same as this...a coffee brewing institure approved measure"} Damn CBI and their moral relativism. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

7:00 (approved measure) Sanctioned for use in all Olympic coffee events

--Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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The Script (part III)

7:06 (pauses for a moment) "hmm, dare I?" (pours) "Yes! teehee!" --Matteus 14 Jan

7:19 (puts together coffee pot) Tada! Freebase --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

7:31 {"...the flame is lowered.."} "The torch is passed." --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

7:32 {"And, well--*watch*.} "And, well--*bite me*."--YibbleGuy 19:01, 10 January 2007 (EST)

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One of two

+7:37 {"The third element is time"} "The Fifth Element is a pretty cheesy movie."

7:37 (element is time…) Copyright Mark J. Time --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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7:41 ("it too must be measured accurately") "who's gonna do all of this at 5AM?" --Matteus 14 Jan

7:58 {"The taste of coffee heightens and increases until all that is good has been extracted"} "Like my marriage" [This should stay or go with my other marriage crack at 8:18, Gerson]

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One of three

8:04 ("and then?") "KABOOM!"

8:04 ("and then?") "Look out!" --Matteus 14 Jan

+8:04 (over gentle heat, and then…) You go medieval on its ass. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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8:06 ("The liquid is coffee") "Really? I thought it was soy sauce now!"

--Matteus 14 Jan

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One or two of four. The 8:18 may step on the 8:27

8:18 {"From these grounds, there remains nothing more to gain but bitterness."} "But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow these grounds." --YibbleGuy 20:28, 8 January 2007 (EST)

8:18 {"... nothing more to gain but bitterness."} "Much like single career women in their forties." --Soozcat 07:12, 14 January 2007 (EST)

+8:18 {"there remains nothing more to gain but bitterness"} "Like in my marriage" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

8:18 (nothing more to gain but bitterness) Side note: the narrator recently divorced a particularly ungrateful wad of coffee grounds. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

8:27 ("Not another iota of good flavour") "Aren't you being a bit harsh sir?" --Matteus 14 Jan

+8:27 {"...not another iota of good flavor."} "Do you hear me, you shrew? Not one more iota!" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

• I think Gerson's 8:18 and 8:27 work well together. --Jazz

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One of two

8:38 ("measured and placed in the pot") "Nefertiti's coffeemaker!" --Matteus 14 Jan

• this line can be moved, anytime that coffee pot is on screen will work, even before 8:38 (Originally I planned for it to be when it first came on screen but moved it because at the time there was no other lines during that scene) - Matteus

+8:38 (and placed in the pot) If pot is not available, hashish may be substituted in Turkish coffee. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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8:50 {"... is poured--still boiling--over the coffee."} "And if the coffee had nerve endings, it would probably say something like 'AAAAUUUUGGGH! AAAAUUUGGGH!

AAUUUUGGGGH!'."--YibbleGuy 19:09, 10 January 2007 (EST)

9:05 ("The time?") "9:05" --Matteus 14 Jan

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One or two of three (Forty twice or the other two)

9:05 {"..the time...it should take only four to six minutes"} "The price? Forty twice" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

+9:05 (the time?) What am I, information? Buy a watch, hippie. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

+9:09 {"It should take only four to six minutes."} "Great! That's enough time for me to have sex. Twice!"--YibbleGuy 21:46, 11 January 2007 (EST)

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9:12 {"In the vacuum method ..."} "... your coffee sucks." --YibbleGuy 20:31, 8 January 2007 (EST)

9:25 (nothing's really happening but music) "Nice arrangement of the Crank Yankers theme song" --Matteus 14 Jan

9:36 {The vacuum thingy is lifted up. A string is dangling from its tube.} "If the vacuum device is menstruating, make sure its tampon string is easily accessible."--YibbleGuy 19:13, 10 January 2007 (EST)

9:37 {"The time?"} "A band led by Morris Day."--YibbleGuy 20:34, 8 January 2007 (EST)

9:46 {Coffee boils up} In fear and hot coffee, man is born.

9:59 {"That's all there is."} "I'm Peggy Lee." --YibbleGuy 20:35, 8 January 2007 (EST)

The Script (Part IV)

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One of three

10:05 {"Like all good secrets, its simplicity is its magic."} "The Manhattan Project, for example."--YibbleGuy 17:47, 12 January 2007 (EST)

10:05 {"..it's simplicity is its magic"} [a la Hannibal Lecter] "Simplicity, Clarice" [He doesn't actually say this, but I couldn't find/remember a good usage that could be taken out of context. I think the joke still works. Or does it?] --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

[its so so, Gerson ... Pumaman2.o]

+ 10:07 (Same as above) "but what about all that international crap you showed us earlier?" --Matteus 14 Jan

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One of two

10:16 (tune: Stand By Your Man) " o/` Sometimes it's hard to be a Mormon..." --Soozcat 07:22, 14 January 2007 (EST)

• I like this line, I feel it should stay in. Could it be used elsewhere? -Matteus

+10:18 (coffee boiling) *a la Beverly Hillbillies* "and up from the pot came a-bubblin' crude" --Matteus 14 Jan

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One of two

10:32 ("Has now been captured in a cup") "Where you keep it on a twig"

+10:32 ("Has now been captured in a cup") "Where you now taunt it." --Matteus 14 Jan

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10:37 ("A body to go with its aroma and taste") "Unlike me." --Matteus 14 Jan

10:45 (Perfect. Every time.) Or else the CBI might have to choke a bitch. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

11:03 ("The proper grind and carefully measured") "Then poured into a brandy snifter." --Matteus 14 Jan

11:08 ("Time, carefully measured") "do I pour boiling water over the clock too?" --Matteus 14 Jan

11:21 {"Coffee--sending its glow into our lives around the clock."} "Because it induces insomnia."--YibbleGuy 18:19, 12 January 2007 (EST)

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1 of 2? Or can the human flesh line go after?

11:26 ("it helps us to start the day with warmth and vigour") "and to help us forget what we did last night." --Matteus 14 Jan

11:26 (with warmth and vigor) And human flesh tucked under your eggs. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

• My line can go any time the eggs and mystery meat are visible. --Jazz

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One of three

11:40 ("Pleasant spur to the morning's work") *as woman* "No thanks, I'll stick to my yerba maté with soy milk." --Matteus 14 Jan

11:41 {"A pleasant spur to the morning's work"} (Dominatrix voice) "Because you LIKE it when your mistress uses the SPURS, don't you, you worthless ...."--YibbleGuy 22:17, 14 January 2007 (EST)

+11:41 (spur to the morning’s work) Get that paper right this time, or you’re repeating the third grade again Sandy. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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One or two of three, the 11:51 may step on the next riff

11:51 (of our pause at noon) Because coffee is chock full of essential nutrients to help paws and hooves grow. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

+ 11:54 ("A world that often forgets to stop") "because they're all high on caffeine" --Matteus 14 Jan

11:54 {"A world that often forgets to stop"} "... because Anthony Newley wants to get off."--YibbleGuy 19:37, 15 January 2007 (EST)

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12:05 ("Coffee is always the perfect companion") *as sung in commercials* "TROJAN MAN!"

12:05 (a perfect companion) for you and your rubber hand collection. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

12:11 ("it's at home in any setting...") "Yeah, it kicks its shoes off..." --Matteus 14 Jan

12:16 {Pourer pushes sugar dish out of the way with coffee pot} "Outta my way sugar!" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

12:17 {"A simple thing, easy to attain."} "Like Lindsay Lohan."--YibbleGuy 21:00, 9 January 2007 (EST)

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One of two

12:21 {"Well made, and well enjoyed."} "Like Lindsay Lohan."--YibbleGuy 21:00, 9 January 2007 (EST)

+12:21 (well-made and well enjoyed…) So pour yourself an ashtray of coffee, today. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

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(anytime during closing words) "And remember, Decaf is the Devil's work!"

--Matteus 16 Jan

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Two of three

+12:25 {closing words "... a GOOD cup, of GOOD coffee."} "Good grief." "Good riddance." [James Brown voice] "Good God!" [George Burns voice] "Good night, Gracie."--YibbleGuy 19:26, 10 January 2007 (EST)

12:25 {after the last riff} "And Goodnight, Mrs Calabash, where ever you are" (a la Jimmy Durante) ---Pumaman2o

+12:30 {Over swelling music} [All riffers together, a la J&tB reiterating the theme at the end of some shorts] Coffee!! --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

The People

This project is all about shared labor via the internet. Wee! Here's a rough breakdown of the jobs that need to be performed, and who's volunteered to do them:

• The Voters (anybody who registers here) - The people who vote on the movie to be riffed, and pick the lines that actually go in
• The Writers (anybody who registers here) - The people who actually write the riffs
• The Script Editor (1 or 2 people with help from all) - Responsible for making sure the script is in a usable form - eg people can add lines, it's clear when and how lines are to be read, any riffs that interefere with each other are identified.

GersonK will do this if nobody else will

• The Talent (2 to 6(?) people) - The people who actually perform the script. GersonK, Matteus. tinaw, ArchHallJr, and Jazzsoda have volunteered for this phase. Ability to record and upload your work is very helpful.
• The Video Editor - Squeezes the raw movie and the talent's lines into a final product.

GersonK has volunteered.

• The Producer - Makes sure that everything happens. GersonK will do this if nobody else will

The Timeline

(All dates subject to change)

• 1/7/7 - Voting on the film closes. Who knows what hour exactly.
• 1/8/7 - Writing begins. Somebody (probably the producer) uploads the unriffed film to YouTube.
• 1/21/7 - Last day to add riffs
• 1/22/7 - After competing lines are identified (by The Script Editor, hopefully with input from the writers) voting on lines begins (This'll be late on the 22nd. I'm spinning too many plates now - --GersonK 20:42, 21 January 2007 (EST))
• 1/29/7 - Based on voting, The Script Editor creates a shooting script. The Producer assigns lines to the Talent, based on their input.
• 2/4/7 - Talent should have sent all audio files to the Video Editor

Shortly thereafter, the Video Editor uploads the final product to a public site, and we start over.

Back to WikiMsting for a project overview