WikiMsting/Episode 2/Script
Part 1
00:05 {music plays, clock ticks} Tina: "You can come out of the isolation booth now!"
00:07 {leaky faucet} Matt: "10:15 on a Saturday night" --Matteus 14 Jan
00:16 {Shot of sleeping androgyne in eyemask} Jazz: "It's time to play 'Guess that Gender'! The blindfold is in place, and would our mystery guest sign in please!" --YibbleGuy 09:47, 13 January 2007 (EST)
00:24 {Alarm goes off} Gerson: o/~ Wake up and smell the caffeine in your bank account --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)
00:29 (ringing continues) Tina: "She better answer her phone" (hand grabs clock) "oh" -- Matteus
00:37 [As soon as woman's foot appears] Matt: HONEY WEST! --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)
00:37 {woman walks down the stairs to the beat of the jazzy music} Jazz: "Everyone should have Brian Setzer around to play your theme music" ---- Pumaman2o
00:55 {the jazzy theme switches slightly to more jazz and we see instant coffee being made} Arch: "Peter Gunn's coffee is made" --- Pumaman2o
00:58 (spooning & spilling coffee) Matt: Coffee: It’s what’s for dinner. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
01:02 {Third spoonfull into pot, plenty of grounds are visible on the counter} Gerson: "Uhh miss? Miss, you're spilling it. "--GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST) Tina: "Give her a break, she hasn't had her coffee yet." --Matteus 14 Jan
1:10 Narr: "Is this coffee?" Tina: [Confused] Umm, yes? Narr: "No!"" Tina: [Momentarily convinced] Ok. Wait, what? Narr: "This is coffee" [Lost] Huhnh? --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST) Narr: "Is this coffee? Why, no--THIS is coffee" Gerson: "I thought Pam Grier was Coffy."--YibbleGuy 19:14, 8 January 2007 (EST)
1:19 {Over "The Coffee Brewing Institute presents"} Matt: In asociation with the RAND Corporation --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)
1:21 (This is Coffee! Title) Jazz: A David St. Hubbins Production. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
1:24 ("Produced by..." on screen) Arch: "Who spit in my coffee?" --Matteus 14 Jan
1:25 {"Produced by Vision Associates" credit} Tina: "Followed by: 'The Story of Optometry,' Produced by Juan Valdez." --YibbleGuy 21:44, 14 January 2007
1:32 (Beans spilling "Our story begins here…") Jazz: Beneath the latrines at the Rabbit Academy… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
1:41 {... caught in the closed fist of the bean, freed then by ...} Matt: "... the 13th Amendment."--YibbleGuy 18:53, 10 January 2007 (EST)
1:44 (endless cascade. Brewed…) Gerson: Brewed to be rude, baby. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
1:48 ("...millions of cupfuls each day") Arch: "...and served in tiny frying pans." --Matteus 14 Jan
1:49 (millions of cupfuls each day) Jazz: in this house alone. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
1:54 (Three cups on table "so much a part of our lives") Tina: Kiiiids! Coffee’s on! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
1:59 ("Reaches deeply into the culture of many lands") Matt: "must be talking about coffee enemas" --Matteus 17 Jan
2:09 {"From tree ..."} Jazz: o/` "... to shining tree." o/`--YibbleGuy 17:28, 12 January 2007 (EST)
2:11 {shot of single male bean picker} Arch: "Juan Valdez's not so smarter brother" ----- Pumaman2o
2:15 (guys just picking beans) Tina: "It's the Coffee Bean Mambo!" --Matteus 14 Jan
2:18 (long shot of guys picking beans)
- cow milking sounds* --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
Gerson & Arch: (cow noises) Arch & SFX: (milk into buckets)
2:24 {two men pouring beans into a sack} Matt: (as guy on right) 'Hey Earl, we can have a sack race later' [as in 'Earl' from any number of MST3K shorts, say Truck Farmer ] ---Pumaman2o
2:27 (dumping beans in bag) Jazz: Unbreakable gumball machine my ass! Heh heh. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
2:45 {"... to which the talents of millions of men are devoted during their lifetime."} Matt: "These *women* slaving away are secondary, unimportant creatures." --YibbleGuy/GersonK
2:48 {"...to which tradition..."} Gerson: o/~ Tradition! --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)
2:55 (man shakes his head over cup) Tina: [in a patronising voice] "No, you're not good coffee at all! no" --Matteus 14 Jan
Part 2
3:01 (man leans into the next one) Arch: *loud snorting* --Matteus 14 Jan
3:07 (a flavor that is just right.) Gerson: Nosehair. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
03:12 {"...around the world..."} Jazz: 0/~ Pretty ladies, I got a weird thing to show you --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)
3:14 ("...many forms") Tina: "Usually liquid form" --Matteus 14 Jan
3:19 {pictures from Paris "... A dream expressed in Cafe Au Lait" } Tina+Gerson: "ole" ---Pumaman2o
3:25 {"Half coffee and half hot milk"} Matt: "...and all evil!" --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)
3:35 {"much like cafe au lait"} Tina+Gerson: "Ole!" --Matteus 14 Jan
3:41 {"and a sprinkle of grated orange peel) Jazz: And a dead crab. Just for kicks! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
3:50 {"The music of old Vienna--in a cup!"} Matt: "Puree of Mozart."--YibbleGuy 18:49, 10 January 2007 (EST)
3:55 {"drift of whipped cream"} Jazz: And an out-of-control hydroplane into Cool Whip. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
4:03 {"...the mystery of Istanbul..."}
Gerson: Not Constantinople --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)
4:06 {"The mystery of Istanbul ... in Turkish coffee."} Matt: "Midnight Expresso."--YibbleGuy 19:45, 8 January 2007 (EST)
4:09 (Hiding the rich, sweet broo) Arch: …d. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
4:15 (served black) Jazz: like your servants. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
4:17 (in tiny cups) Tina: like your wife. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
4:18 ("plenty of sugar") Matt: "Like my men." --Matteus 14 Jan
{We didn't entirely clear up how much this depending on Matt's first 'like my men'. We've got a weird order on this run .}
4:22 ("but always it is coffee") Matt: "what the fuck dude? you just told me that it wasn't!" --Matteus 14 Jan
4:31 Narr: ...success lies in a single word..." Gerson: Coffee? Narr: ...care Gerson: Whatever. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)
4:39 (three simple ingredients) Jazz: Gas station men’s room tap water… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
4:43 (Coffee) Tina: Grandma… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan [That would be best if it can be fit, as soon as the "grounds" are visible, but it can work any time you can see the coffee. --Jazz ]
4:45 {"... water, coffee, time"} Matt: o/` "Are you goin' to Scarborough Fair?/ Parsley, Water, Coffee, and Time .... " o/'--YibbleGuy 19:52, 8 January 2007 (EST)
4:54 {"The beginning is the coffeepot."}
Tina: "And the Word was with the coffeepot. And the Word was the coffeepot."--YibbleGuy
4:54 (is the coffee pot) Jazz: Steal as many as you can find. Make a game of it! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
5:04 {Bulbous double coffee pot - the first one} Arch: Tom Servo's cousin! --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)
5:10 (hourglass shaped pot) Tina: "This one doubles as a still." --Matteus 14 Jan
5:20 {"To make a good cup of coffee, your coffee maker must be clean"} Gerson: "As must your soul"
5:24 (from that last pot of coffee) Jazz: as well as skin mites, dandruff, and herpes. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
5:29 {"Ready to begin its work anew--fresh, and really clean!"} Arch: "Much like a freshly douched vagina."--YibbleGuy 20:01, 8 January 2007 (EST)
5:39 ("Water.") Matt: (in same narrator voice) "Thirsty, sick man." --Matteus 14 Jan
5:43 {"Too much? Or too little?"} Tina: "Because 'just right' is simply not an option."--YibbleGuy 20:03, 8 January 2007 (EST)
5:49 (or not at all!) Jazz: Fuggit! Don’t let them tell you what is and what isn’t coffee! *HIC* --Jazzsoda 21 Jan [This one may need to be tightened to handle Yibble's]
5:51 {weirdly overemphatic "How Long"} Arch: "How long, O Lord, how long! THY WICKEDNESS IS A SNARE UNTO ME, BABYLON!"--YibbleGuy
5:57 (Same as above) Tina: "Ah, Catholic Coffee" --Matteus 14 Jan
5:59 {"Water: the first element"} Matt: "Can you tell that I failed high-school chemistry?"--YibbleGuy 21:52, 14 January 2007 (EST)
Part 3
6:02 {"clean and cold"} Jazz: "Like Marie Osmond"--YibbleGuy 21:54, 14 January 2007 (EST)
6:11 ("Then brought to a full boil") Gerson: "I should be taking notes shouldn't I"
6:19 ("and again questions...") Tina: "...about sexual preference" --Matteus 14 Jan
6:24 (percolator?) Jazz: Burger later? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.
6:27 ("how much?") Matt: "How should I know??" --Matteus 14 Jan
6:29 ("Coffee") Tina: "Coffee?" --Matteus 14 Jan
6:35 (can makes noise) Gerson: "New Botchalism Coffee!" --Matteus 14 Jan
6:45 {"One level CBI measure per cup."} Matt: "Followed by 'CBI: Miami'"--YibbleGuy 18:23, 9 January 2007 (EST)
6:46 (one level CBI measure) Jazz: That’s Coffee Burn Index --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
6:54 ("This... is the same as this.") Tina: "and that is...?" --Matteus 14 Jan
6:59 {"...same as this...a coffee brewing institure approved measure"} Gerson: Damn CBI and their moral relativism. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)
7:06 (pauses for a moment) Tina: "hmm, dare I?" (pours) "Yes! teehee!" --Matteus 14 Jan
7:19 (puts together coffee pot) Jazz: Tada! Freebase --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
7:31 {"...the flame is lowered.."} Gerson: "The torch is passed." --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)
7:32 {"And, well--*watch*.} Matt: "And, well--*bite me*."--YibbleGuy 19:01, 10 January 2007 (EST)
7:37 {"The third element is time"} Tina: "The Fifth Element is a pretty cheesy movie."
7:41 ("it too must be measured accurately") Matt: "who's gonna do all of this at 5AM?" --Matteus 14 Jan
7:58 {"The taste of coffee heightens and increases until all that is good has been extracted"} Arch: "Like my marriage" --Gerson
8:04 (over gentle heat, and then…) Jazz: You go medieval on its ass. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
8:06 ("The liquid is coffee") Matt: "Really? I thought it was soy sauce now!" --Matteus 14 Jan
8:18 {"there remains nothing more to gain but bitterness"} Arch: "Like in my marriage" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)
8:27 {"...not another iota of good flavor."} Arch: "Do you hear me, you shrew? Not one more iota!" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)
8:38 (and placed in the pot) Jazz: If pot is not available, hashish may be substituted in Turkish coffee. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
8:50 {"... is poured--still boiling--over the coffee."} Matt: "And if the coffee had nerve endings, it would probably say something like this..." Everyone (attempts, we pick the best): 'AAAAUUUUGGGH! AAAAUUUGGGH! AAUUUUGGGGH!'."--YibbleGuy
Part 4
9:05 (the time?) Jazz: What am I, information? Buy a watch, hippie. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
9:09 {"It should take only four to six minutes."} Gerson: "Great! That's enough time for me to have sex. Twice!"--YibbleGuy 21:46, 11 January 2007 (EST)
[I scrod up and Matt's 9:05 line wasn't included as a competing line here. I used my athourita to drop it. Sorry, I owe you one, Matt. - Gerson]
9:12 {"In the vacuum method ..."} Tina: "... your coffee sucks." --YibbleGuy 20:31, 8 January 2007 (EST)
9:25 (nothing's really happening but music) Matt: "Nice arrangement of the Crank Yankers theme song" --Matteus 14 Jan
9:36 {The vacuum thingy is lifted up. A string is dangling from its tube.} Jazz: "If the vacuum device is menstruating, make sure its tampon string is easily accessible."--YibbleGuy 19:13, 10 January 2007 (EST)
9:37 {"The time?"} Tina: "A band led by Morris Day."--YibbleGuy
9:46 {Coffee boils up} Gerson: In fear and hot coffee, man is born.
9:59 {"That's all there is."} Matt: "I'm Peggy Lee." --YibbleGuy 20:35, 8 January 2007 (EST)
10:07 (Same as above) Jazz: "but what about all that international crap you showed us earlier?" --Matteus 14 Jan
10:17 (coffee boiling) Arch: (a la Beverly Hillbillies) "and up from the pot came a-bubblin' crude" --Matteus 14 Jan
10:21 Tina: (tune: Stand By Your Man) " o/` Sometimes it's hard to be a Mormon..." --Soozcat
10:32 ("Has now been captured in a cup") Jazz: "Where you now taunt it." --Matteus 14 Jan
10:37 ("A body to go with its aroma and taste") Gerson: "Unlike me." --Matteus 14 Jan
10:45 (Perfect. Every time.) Jazz: Or else the CBI might have to choke a bitch. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
11:03 ("The proper grind and carefully measured") Matt: "Then poured into a brandy snifter." --Matteus 14 Jan
11:08 ("Time, carefully measured") Tina: "Do I pour boiling water over the clock too?" --Matteus 14 Jan
11:21 {"Coffee--sending its glow into our lives around the clock."} Gerson: "Because it induces insomnia."--YibbleGuy 18:19, 12 January 2007 (EST)
11:26 ("it helps us to start the day with warmth and vigour") Matt: "and to help us forget what we did last night." --Matteus 14 Jan
11:26 (with warmth and vigor) Jazz: And human flesh tucked under your eggs. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
11:41 (spur to the morning’s work) Tina: Get that paper right this time, or you’re repeating the third grade again Sandy. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
11:51 (of our pause at noon) Jazz: Because coffee is chock full of essential nutrients to help paws and hooves grow. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
11:54 ("A world that often forgets to stop") Matt: "because they're all high on caffeine" --Matteus 14 Jan
I think we need to pick one of these two 12:05 ("Coffee is always the perfect companion")
Jazz: *as sung in commercials* "TROJAN MAN!"
Jazz: for you and your rubber hand collection. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
12:11 ("it's at home in any setting...") Tina: "Yeah, it kicks its shoes off..." --Matteus 14 Jan
12:16 {Pourer pushes sugar dish out of the way with coffee pot} Matt: "Outta my way sugar!" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)
12:17 {"A simple thing, easy to attain."} Arch: "Like Lindsay Lohan."--YibbleGuy 21:00, 9 January 2007 (EST)
12:21 (well-made and well enjoyed…) Jazz: So pour yourself an ashtray of coffee, today. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan
Matt: (anytime during closing words) "And remember, Decaf is the Devil's work!" [I'm having trouble finding a place for this one]
12:25 {closing words "... a GOOD cup, of GOOD coffee."} Gerson: "Good grief." Tina: "Good riddance." Everyone (attempts, we pick the best): [James Brown voice] "Good God!" Gerson (all are welcome to try): [George Burns voice] "Good night, Gracie."--YibbleGuy
12:30 {Over swelling music} All riffers together: [a la J&tB reiterating the theme at the end of some shorts] Coffee!! --GersonK
