Upon his return to Iraq’s interim “sovereign” government, former dictator and one-time Iraqi big man Saddam Hussein was hit with a multimillion dollar lawsuit for damages, including punitive, and citing “mental anguish.” The group, describing itself as “Now-Free Iraqis Completely Happy with American Help,” had the dictator served in his new prison cell in Baghdad.

Lawyer for the plaintiffs Abazzi al-Shidir made the case to American newspapers.

“Finally, the Iraqi people are hitting back at the one who caused them so much grief and misery. If Saddam Hussein hadn’t been hiding weapons of mass destruction—and we’re all pretty sure they’re around here somewhere—the U.S. never would have had to liberate us. Not to mention all the years of terrorism he committed upon his own people—which is us—and the mental anguish he inflicted. He’ll be found guilty of war crimes, no doubt. But we want him to suffer financially as well. And with our new legal system, he will.”

Al-Shidir could not comment on the demographics of those who filed the class-action suit, but assured the media they came from all walks of Iraqi life and represented the majority of the country. If the suit rewards the plaintiffs, al-Shidir confirmed they would use the money to rebuild Iraq’s economy and restore order to the nation, and would likely draw up a contract for American companies to bid upon.

It was hard news for Saddam Hussein, who spent much of last week enduring the public handover to the new government of his former country. Hussein denounced all threats to bring him to justice in public trial.

“Ah, fuck you all, you hopeless puppets,” grumbled Hussein, as a translator struggled to properly interpret the swear words. “You and the camels you road in on. You all didn’t say shit when I was running the show. I piss on your justice. Ally McBeal had a less fictional courtroom. Whatever you do, don’t charge me with possessing weapons of mass destruction—I would hate to see everyone strain themselves hauling in that much imaginary evidence. And in conclusion, suck me.”

A garish gesture was made to the public, who all applauded, thinking it was something else.

The return of Saddam Hussein was sometimes overshadowed by the “surprise” handing over of the hot potato country from U.S. coalition forces, who are still there as resident muscle, to the interim government led by temporary Prime Minister Iyad Allawi, who took over following the death of the most recent in a series of unsuccessful Prime Ministers, who were either killed in terror attacks, horrific missile-related accidents, suicides, or killed by their own dissatisfied people.

“Finally, Iraq is free,” declared Allawi, raising his hands in the air and shaking them like a WWE wrestler.

Allawi then instituted martial law, for the protection of the city, and demanded the assets of suspected terrorists be frozen while they were investigated. The people were rushed off the streets by armed police since the curfew was quickly approaching, while the citizens said something in Iraqi, probably about how nice it was Saddam Hussein was finally out of power.