Have you and your brilliant, and we don’t mean that sarcastic, staff ever considered making a commune for kids? It’s a shame, seriously, that kids grow up with such mainstream tripe like Highlights and Boys’ Life and never get the counterculture experience of the commune. You should really do that, for real.

Please excuse any misspellings or grammar errors, as it is hard to concentrate with my friends laughing over my shoulder.

Vance Grammett
Lynnville, KS

Dear Vance:

We have considered a commune for kids, and are working on features for the publication in our spare time at the bar. We plan to include news about school, hot teens, and all the other things that appeal to school kids and strange middle-aged men. Gossip columns on who has cooties, and who gives them. A feature like Goofus and Gallant, where Red Bagel does everything the right way, and his indistinguishable evil twin Rogue Bagel does things the mean and cruel way. Plus games and puzzles, like Guess Where Lil Duncan Woke Up This Morning and Pin the Theft on Bludney Pudd.

Of course, all of this hinges on efforts to clone Red Bagel to produce a childlike version of him to edit the content. Mr. Bagel feels that no one else but a youthful version of himself could deliver what the kids want in a commune fashion, and the idea is a no-go until technology catches up with us.

A suitable substitute for a children’s commune is out there right now, usually sold under the title Rolling Stone. Enjoy, kids!

the commune

Editor's Note: the commune is not responsible for the rash of child kidnappings out west. Yoga, coffee enemas, now this—those Californias will try anything for a good time.

Volume 23
You’ll be happy to know that your letter has been blown up to poster size and is now proudly covering the spot in our break room where Ramrod Hurley punched a hole in the wall.

Volume 22
True, the commune may not have come out of the economic downturn unscathed; After all, few did. And some may argue, rightfully so, that when touring the commune offices the stench of desperation wafts up one’s nose like the smell of stale sweat on a freshly dead corpse.

Volume 21
Since then it has been illegal for guests of any hotel in any country, so decided by the International Terror Conspiracy of Hotel Owners and Operators, to cook in any form or fashion in any room.

Volume 20
We must say, however, we disagree with your statements about humiliating and belittling your customer base. We've had no problems at all with it from the shitheads who read our work.