Arafat Voted “Hunkiest Palestinian”
Popular boy-band leader wins award for 28th straight year  
BY BLUDNEY PLUD Ramallah, West Bank

ANSEL EVANS
Arafat poses for an Arab Teen photo shoot

For a record 28th year in a row, Yasser Arafat, leader of the mega-popular boy band PLO, has been voted “Hunkiest Palestinian.” The award, which often leads to lucrative endorsement deals and speaking engagements, was not unexpected. Mr. Arafat had token opposition from members of PLO-spinoff bands Hamas and Hezbollah, but no one seriously expected any of them to challenge the reigning MC Mullah of the Gaza for the winner’s turban this year.

In a café here on the West Bank, 16-year-old rock-throwing enthusiast Rajouba Aswan said about Mr. Arafat, “He’s the OG, man. He’s to die for.” Friend Jamil Barghouti, 17, chimed in, while adjusting an explosive-laden vest. “That’s right, yo. Yas-Dog – I mean, Mr. Arafat – is da bomb.”

Cited by West Bank teenagers as reasons for voting for Mr. Arafat as the Imam of Palestinian Hunks were, among other reasons, “the way that big bottom lip of his quivers when he talks,” and “his rad beard, dude.” Also mentioned were his “big, sad puppy dog eyes,” and his “cool sense of fashion.”

Asked for comment, Mr. Arafat responded, “I am humbled to be once again chosen, praise Allah, and I would like to send my thanks and blessings to all the young G’s and martyrs out there, to all my peeps and homies. May Allah smile upon you, and may your quota of 70 virgins in paradise be each one beautiful and have all of their own teeth.”

Here at the commune, you can rest assured that all of our virgins have their full complement of teeth. Bludney Plud, after a short stint in an unnamed rehab center, is back at his keyboard, and hardly ever thinks about all those self-esteem issues he once had anymore.

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