"Let's see... I'll have sprinkles, hot fudge, M&M's, Reese's Pieces, dead rat heads, hemlock and a handful of chicken bones." "Here you go! Thanks for shopping at I Can't Believe It's Yogurt Made With Voo Doo and please come again!"

Jerry Garcia's magic text-changing garbagebags would always express sorrow as he left them for the truck that morning.

"Excuse me... Mr. Giant! I'm looking for a vine leading to a castle in the clouds!" "AHH... YOU'RE IN ELECTRONICS! YOU WANT FAIRY TALES, THREE ROWS OVER TO THE LEFT..." "Thanks!"

"Wife!? Ha ha ha! I knew I dismembered SOMEONE today!" *LAUGH TRACK*

Friday, we uncover Orson Wells, preserved in amber.

Just as Brad laid the finishing touches on his Tofu-house he noticed that flock of hungry birds circling.

Not even Captain Kirk dressed as Rhoda Morgenstern could keep Sulu from growing a mustache and hitting the disco scene.

It's rough when the typesetter leaves not-so-subtle suicide instructions in the credits.

Good thing the bar is there or you'd see they're all naked from the waste down. *SHIVERS*

"That's great, honey, but I don't think your new Gypsy owners really care about all the people under your steeple. Well, I'm off to Vegas!"

The public has spoken and Dr. Smith gets to tap dat ass!

Don't take the brown screen grab. The brown screen grab is bad.

"How old am I? Damn I hate these word problems... uh... let's see, the train leaves Chicago and it's travelling North..."

"Damn you, Right Hand! Steal my wallet will you? Well tonight you're getting THE GLOVE."

"Of course slingshotting bricks at people who call you fat is only ONE way to exercise yourself into feeling better about who you are..."

Tipper Gore!? NOOOOOO!

"Jamie Gum's Lotion and Basket Delivery Service! Serving the Tri-State Area for over ten years!"

Everyone watched in horror as Gloria's hair slithered around her head, made a sick crunching sound, and swallowed it whole.

Little known fact: after getting your giant Publisher's Clearing House Check, Ed McMahon returns to your home under the cover of night to silently and methodically kill each of your family members while you sleep so that giant check never gets cashed.

"Oh great Oracle Plum Fairy... we await your wisdom..." "Shave your balls with twine and press rewind!" "Er..." "Butter clams and spotted jam!" "Fuck... we trek through miles of dangerous swamp for THIS!?" "Tak!"

"Here at the Dennis Rodman Hair Plug Institute..."

Zombie stockbrokers everywhere agree... buy Brains now while the price is low.

"And if I twist the stick fast enough I can start an actual camp fire in my pants and-what? We're rolling?"

Dave, half-drunk, wandered in, looking for free Corona's and had kicked back four test specimens with lime and salt before the police found him.

Gary somehow got his entire body trapped in his Wool-Knit Chinese Finger Trap

"Caramel paneling! The kids will love it!" "Um..."

"Flock of Seagulls... I can't believe I'm still in Flock of Seagulls..."

"Hey... you laughed when I said I was combining my nipples and my Pez dispenser. So no, you can't have any..."

Little-known fact... Voltron is actually headed by a very surly Laura Bush.

Charlie Manson's drawing of his Mommy for first grade was different from the rest of the class.

...er if Star Wars, the new Trilogy, would be improved with SUPRISE SMURF BUKAKKE!

"Don't worry Ken... I know it's rough, having plastic-molded underpants. We can still adopt." "I just don't know, Barbie..."

At first, everyone was excited that the Ark of the Covenent was being unveiled at First Baptist of Kankakee but when the bright light began making the congregation melt and burst into flame, everyone agreed it was a bad idea and the survivors quietly filed out to the Fellowship Hall for a Potluck Dinner.

Just another day at Zombie Co. Seems Bub forgot how to use the elevator again and is just standing there, arms out, mumbling to himself. Poor sap. He'll get fired from their Brain Division for certain this time.

Someone please explain why, after he drops acid, Bill Gates always has visions of Michael Flatly dancing slowly by candlelight?

Dildoco: A Division of Vibratomax

Q: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house?

A: He's blind, you insensitive fuck!

BRINGING YOU THE BEST IN FUTURISTIC TECHNOLOGICAL CONNECT-THE-DOTS!

Carrot Top sleepwalks through the park wearing footie pajamas, and CNN is THERE.

At twenty-eight, Pinnochio collapses amid his famous "I have no strings" routine due to a massive heroin overdose and dies.

"I still say you can't play Jenga with hot peppers, sir..." "Shut up and stack them again!" *SIGH*

"And today boys and girls, I'm going to kill myself! And look, it's Ropey, our friendly Noose to help us out! Let's sing, kids! Life is shit! All is pain! Ropey helps us end the strain..."

With Dave Attell as Jocko the Energizer Aussie? The hell!?

Claude was a master of German electronic music, revered world 'round by hordes of dance fans and music enthusiasts everywhere, yet deep inside he really longed to be a UPS delivery truck driver.

"We found the killer! It's a perfect match!" "Round up all the matchbooks!" "Um... no... I mean it's a match to the prints, sir." "Prince! I KNEW IT! Round that purple bastard up!" "*SIGH* Yes sir..."

Nobody had the heart to tell Steve he was adopted but his family photos certainly gave it away.

"You know, it's not easy being Noob Saibot sometimes. Dark clubs, nobody notices you're there... *SIGH*"

This Sci Fi show also brought to you by unbridled averice, a sense of fear of the wrath of our sponsors and about a pound and a half of fine, Mexican blow.