His co-workers would often wonder just how much longer before Kolchak would stop greeting everybody by jiggling their flabby pectorals.

They were hoping that Kolchak wouldn't pectoral-jiggle the president at the reception. Unfortunately, he did. Even more unfortunately, Clinton enjoyed it.

"And if my measurements are accurate, then I place him right HERE during the murder." "The middle of the Atlantic Ocean!?" "Or possibily Madrid."

"It's a Playboy Carl." "But that's a girl!" "There's girls in Playboy." "Oh sure, damn these trendy times, hmmph!"

"May I have your foot in marriage?" "You mean my hand." "Whatever..." "No." "How about a fingernail?" "Nope." "Handjob?" "Get out of here!"

Kolchak visits the laboratory where they're furiously advancing today's cutting edge soccer ball technology.

"Yeah, oh yeah? Ha! Okay. Uh-huh, sure, corset... yeah... plugs? No... ah-ha! The clamps!"

I DON'T GET IT!

Remember back when 'your' typewriter turned into a horny beetle? Carl does!

I DON'T GET IT!

Tony, Carl *shake*... Carl, Tie *shake*... Tie, Hat *shake*... Hat, Tony *shake*...

"No, don't shave the moustache, it makes us look like an equal opportunity employer." "The hell does that mean?" "Er... nothing."

"We found *THIS* in your locker. This is the manhandler 2000 model with extra sucking power!! The priests are unhappy."

Can I go now, Captain? According to your tie, it's 7:30.