"Do you have child-bearing hip flasks? Lost track of all the personnel changes in the Steve Miller Band? Are your nipples not in front of you? Call me."

I DON'T GET IT!

"Hi. Do you bathe in vats of warm Crisco? Can you inflate your testicles? Do you have sausages inserted into every available orfice? Call me."

"Hi. Can you lick your own eyelids? Do you set fire to nuns? Is there CoolWhip in your underpants? Call me."

Insurance so good they trust a cardboard standout to sell it.

Listen, if you ever want to see the other Insurance Guy again, put $25,000 in a brown paper bag and . . .

I DON'T GET IT!

No, don't show me how to dou...*ZIIIIP* cripes...

Fold the policy in thirds. HAW!!! I love that joke!

Live twice as long! HA! Don't fear the reaper, baby! Satan! Satan! Satan!

"However, there is that pesky slavery clause..."

"Look here honey! It says that once this banker's lamp is placed on our desk... We're virtually guaranteed to have the money come rolling in!" "Thanks Carleton!!"

There it is! Mandatory sodomy. Damn fine print!

"Well here's your problem... you keep drawing the turtle and the pirate with several sets of googly eyes. Have you considered lowering your dosage?"

I DON'T GET IT!

"Yes... it IS misleading, but I promise you- both the eggs AND the ham were green."

"Say, is the word 'fucked' legal in a contract?" "Sure is." "Wow, never knew that. Got a pen?" "Mhmm."

"May I have the next dance mister Reeve?"