"Yeah, a devils haircut....had it in mind recently"

I DON'T GET IT!

"I'm a back pack son!" "Mom! I can't go to school like this!" "Hush! Stick your books in me!"

I DON'T GET IT!

"Honey, you ever wonder what would happen if you just jammed your fists into your eyes and peeled your face off?" "Yes. Don't."

We now return to "Bill: Human Pez Dispenser," only on the What Have I Been Drinking!? Network...

Tired of scrubbing those cadavers by hand?

"Made with actual doves."

Is it just me, or is anyone else troubled by the fact that the bottle is shaped like a coffin...?

Putting the lotion directly into the Kleenex? I don't think they know why I'm buying those items. (Oh man, did I say that?)

"...or I get to have my way with you."

"New Cauliflower scented Zest!"

God's Psychic Network.

"Sorry I took so long. I had trouble with the rinse on my 2 o'clock." "Who's that hanging from the ceiling fan?" "My 2 o'clock."