Geez. I should check out the humane society more often.

"For hot chicks executed by firing squad, press #7 twelve times..."

For women with gummy bears stuck in their hair press 86IQ

"If you don't absolutely *love* being Zorro... we'll buy the hat back!"

It must take a talented hair stylist to dye your roots black...

"...and when you're done with Suzy, she neatly folds back into your wallet! Naughty AND convinient! Can't beat that folks!"

For women who can deep throat a big-ass fudgesicle, press 8...

"Ooh, I'm choking. Wanna Heimlich me? Call now!"

Sally could've sworn the steps would taste like peppermint. You should've seen the dental bills.

Tiffany sits all day, mesmerized by the tile pattern.

Oh, like they really needed 4 zeros...