Don't Touch/script
Instructions
- Check back often to see what suggestions/alterations your riffs have recieved here or on the discussion tab.
- Use {} to denote lines and actions that are in the actual film.
- Do your best with including timestamps of the lines from the film and/or where your riff should be placed.
- Use [] to denote stage directions.
- Be wary of lines that need to go over dialogue in the film. Use [TALKOVER] to identify it.
- Don't sweat identifying references, unless you need them to help describe how a line should be read or a tune to sing it with.
- Use "quotes" and [stage directions] when lines should be delivered in character, e.g. [a la Comic Shop Guy] "Worst Riffing. Ever."
- Feel free to just help transcribe the movie's dialogue or note spots that are ripe for riffing.
The Characters
Blasting Cap Man / BCM
Striped Shirt Kid / SSK - the cautious one
Pink Shirt Kid / PSK - the reckless one
Even Dopier Kid - the tall one without many lines
The Script
- {BCM: "Will do"}
00:44 Who's the black dick that blows up all the ladies?
- {Kid closing garage}
00:57 "We better call the Wolf"
- {Striped Shirt Kid [SSK]: "You were probably absent"}
01:19 [as SSK] "...drunk"
- {SSK: You want your hand blown off?}
01:33 [as Pink shirt Kid] "Maybe I do."
- {Even dopier kid: "Hey stop, come on."}
01:36 [Monotone, a la Willy Wonka] No. Don't. Stop.
- {Kids break into jog behind the car}
01:42 [Excitedly] "It's the blasting cap man!" "Yeah!" "I want a bomb pop!"
- {Kid tosses key to Blasting Cap Man}
02:04 Always give strangers your house keys, kids.
{Even dopier kid: "All set"}
03:56 Fast work.
{Baseball explodes}
04:05 That's worse than Barry Bonds.
{BCM: "...what a blasting cap could do to a human being."}
04:31 [as BCM] "If they were a mannequin."
{05:34 BCM drops hat}
{BCM: "...road jobs..."}
05:40 [as BCM, squeezed in after 'road jobs'] "...IEDs...'
{BCM: "...public service works...all that sort of thing"}
{BCM: "...people who work with explosives"}
05:44 [TALKOVER] "...are the luckiest people in the world"
{Credits}
06:58 And Roaslind Cash as John Endahl [I know, I know, it was Emdal, but close enough
{Credits}
07:05 Finbar? That's where Troy McClure hangs out.
