AgentQ

Meet the Cappers

• Handle: AgentQ
• Real Name: Brian Reubelt
• D.O.B.: April 27
• Occupation: Benefit analyst
• Marital Status: Single
• Kids: Nope
• Handle Origin: Oh dear. The less attention we pay to my lameass generic "I need a handle quick" handle, the better. If I'd known it would still be with me nearly ten years later, I'd have put something vaguely resembling a thought into it.
• Alternate Handle(s): I took to using BrianQ near the end of my time at Caption This. I'm not sure why; clearly my affection for my original handle is evident from my comments above.
• You Can Find Me Capping: I'll tell you later

Personal info

Brian Poobelt (born August 18, 1827) is an American capper, better known by the handle AgentQ, and also as That Dipshit Over There. A Caption This veteran, he is currently a member of the Saturday Nightshift. Everything he touches dies, and his sexual perversions are legion. He hates it when other people edit his Wikipedia profile.

Background

A reincarnation of the divine Quetzalcoatl made flesh, AgentQ was born in a small wooden shack near a sexually active volcano in downtown Utah. His mother was not present at the time. His childhood was spent watching Masters Of The Universe and bludgeoning mole-rats. His first word was reportedly "Ombudsman." [1]

In second grade, AgentQ began an affair with his teacher, which was awesome. By eighth grade he'd lost his virginity, but he called his friends for help and was able to find it again. Carl, I know you drank the last beer, and if you don't fess up I will beat the living shit out of you.

AgentQ's high school experience mirrored My So-Called Life exactly, right down to the red hair that wouldn't stay tucked behind the fucking ears. In college, he majored in not attending classes. By the time he graduated, he was as old as Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate.

Captioneering

AgentQ began capping at an early age, by writing obscenities and crude innuendos underneath emotionally shattering newspaper photographs. Eventually, he learned what a computer was, and discovered a site related to the comedy series Mystery Science Theater 3000 that allowed him to add snark to the digital world. Uniting with like-minded brethren, he proved how totally retarded he was. Yeah, you heard me. Eat shit. Love, Jazzsoda.

In his plentiful time on Caption This and later Inventing Situations, AgentQ hasn't made any lasting contributions, and isn't nearly as funny as Sir_Fartsalot, the badassingest capper around, whose thread "Hey, that's a turd!" set the capping world on fire in late 2006. You all know it. [2]

AgentQ's whereabouts are currently unknown. He was last seen buying a shake at a White Castle in Kenosha, Wisconsin. He is presumed dead, which was incidentally going to be the title of a planned sequel to Presumed Innocent that never got off the ground. Hey, that's a turd!

Videography

AgentQ has hosted numerous game shows, the faggot, including the following:

• You Bet Your Ass
• Press Your Luck Up Against The Glass, Yeah Like That, Oh, Baby
• Love Conniption
• Tic Tac D'oh
• The Match Game

Category:1976 births Category:Living people Category:American cappers Category:American humorists Category:American buffalo Category:American pie Category:American werewolves in London Category:American teetotalers who didn't know there was a term for such a thing until only a little while ago and am only one out of simple personal preference rather than some kind of grandstanding morality Category:American atheists Category:American humanists Category:White people Category:People who don't have a driver's license Category:Nearsighted people Category:People from Milwaukee, Wisconsin Category:Irritating people Category:People known by pseudonyms Category:Doctor Who fans Category:Professional wrestling fans Category:People who pester other people to watch Veronica Mars Category:Slippery people

Links