WikiMsting/Episode 2

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The Film

Since the final vote was 1 to 1 and I forgot to vote, I'm using the producer's perogative and we're going with the coffee movie. We may have to trim some of it out, so any thoughts on how to pick what to cut are welcome. The other candidates that had mostly positive comments will be back in thenext round, and more round three candidates can be suggested on the discussion tab. --GersonK 14:28, 8 January 2007 (EST)


YouTube part 1 YouTube part 2 Viddler, all in one

A lot of overblown narration about coffee and extracting that precious flavor from "the closed fist of the bean". May be tough to get a riff in edgewise at some points.

Comments: I thought the first half was pretty good, but as it continues on with variation after variation on "Here's *another* way to make coffee! Like the previous 43 ways, it involves coffee ... and water", I think the opportunities for interesting riffs will be limited.--YibbleGuy 23:00, 3 January 2007 (EST)

I'm leaning between this one and Dial, though I haven't watched Leisure Time yet. For me, the how to make coffee section was any more repetitive than the how to dial section, and we could lose one of the last two methods (probably drip) just as easily as part of the dialing instructions.

--GersonK 01:38, 4 January 2007 (EST)


The Script (Part I)

The script has now been mashed together with consistent timestmaps against one of the versions on my hard drive. I've tried to mash the competeting lines together between horizontal rules, hopefully this is legible. The "X of Y" notes beneath a rule means we can probably fit in X out of the next Y lines, makred off with another rule at the bottom. Just add a + (yes) or - (no) in front of lines you like or dislike. You can give ANY line a thumbs or thumbs down, but it's most important on the competing lines. Highest net positives win. If a non-competing line gets a net negative score, we'll consider dropping it. You may want to hold your negatives for lines you really want dropped. I've also added a few questions for the writers, so look lively! --GersonK 23:23, 22 January 2007 (EST)

I'm not sure what YouTube's rules on strong language is. Asking cappers to keep it clean is sort of crazy, but maybe we can think twice on profanities. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

00:05 {music plays, clock ticks} "You can come out of the isolation booth now!" ---- Pumaman2o

00:07 (leaky faucet) "10:15 on a Saturday night" --Matteus 14 Jan

I think we can use one out of the next three here

00:16 {Shot of sleeping androgyne in eyemask} "It's time to play 'Guess that Gender'! The blindfold is in place, and would our mystery guest sign in please!" --YibbleGuy 09:47, 13 January 2007 (EST)

00:16 {Shot of sleeping androgyne in eyemask} "Wake up Mr. Bowie--it's time to go record 'Aladdin Sane'!"

00:16 "Roman Polanski's The Tenant" --Matteus 14 Jan


Two out of the next three

00:24 {Alarm goes off} o/~ Wake up and smell the caffeine in your bank account --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

00:28 (alarm still ringing) Bitch, get your drunk ass up already! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

00:29 (ringing continues) "she better answer her phone" (hand grabs clock) "oh"


The next two should work ok with a little pause

00:37 [As soon as woman's foot appears] HONEY WEST! --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

00:37 {woman walks down the stairs to the beat of the jazzy music} "Everyone should have Brian Setzer around to play your theme music" ---- Pumaman2o {rewritten riff]


The next three should work, as long as we have more than one riffer

00:55 {the jazzy theme switches slightly to more jazz and we see instant coffee being made} "Peter Gunn's coffee is made" --- Pumaman2o

00:58 (spooning & spilling coffee) Coffee: It’s what’s for dinner. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

01:02 {Third spoonfull into pot, plenty of grounds are visible on the counter} Uhh miss? Miss, you're spilling it. --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

(Following Gerson's) "Give her a break, she hasn't had her coffee yet." --Matteus 14 Jan

I think we can either have just my (Gerson's) run or both Jazz' and Yibble, but not all three.

1:10 {"Is this coffee?"} [Confused] Umm, yes? {"No!"} [Momentarily convinced] Ok. Wait, what? {"This is coffee"} [Lost] Huhnh? --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

1:10 (Is this coffee?) I vote liquid shit. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

1:15 {"Is this coffee? Why, no--THIS is coffee"} "I thought Pam Grier was Coffy."--YibbleGuy 19:14, 8 January 2007 (EST)

1:19 {Over "The Coffee Brewing Institute presents"} In asociation with the RAND Corporation --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

1:21 ("This is Coffee!" on screen) "A Quinn Martin Production!" --Matteus 14 Jan

1:21 (This is Coffee! Title) A David St. Hubbins Production, starring Pam Grier. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

1:24 ("Produced by..." on screen) "Who spit in my coffee?" --Matteus 14 Jan

1:25 {"Produced by Vision Associates" credit} "Followed by: 'The Story of Optometry,' Produced by Juan Valdez."--YibbleGuy 21:44, 14 January 2007 (EST)

1:32 (Beans spilling "Our story begins here…") Beneath the latrines at the Rabbit Academy… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

One of the next two

1:38 (in the closed fist of a bean) freed by the open fist of Coffee’s pimp, Chuckles. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

1:41 {... caught in the closed fist of the bean, freed then by ...} "... the 13th Amendment."--YibbleGuy 18:53, 10 January 2007 (EST)

1:44 (endless cascade. Brewed…) Brewed to be rude, baby. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan


One of the next three

01:47 {"..consumed in the hundreds of millions of cupfuls each day"} And that's just counting Dave Foley {can we come up with a more infamous coffee drinker?} --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

01:48 ("...millions of cupfuls each day") "...and served in tiny frying pans." --Matteus 14 Jan

1:49 (millions of cupfuls each day) in this house alone. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

1:54 (Three cups on table "so much a part of our lives") Kiiiids! Coffee’s on! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

01:59 ("Reaches deeply into the culture of many lands") "must be talking about coffee enemas" --Matteus 17 Jan

2:09 {"From tree ..."} o/` "... to shining tree." o/`--YibbleGuy 17:28, 12 January 2007 (EST)

One of the next two

2:11 {shot of single male bean picker} "Juan Valdez's not so smarter brother" ----- Pumaman2o

02:11 {Man picking coffee, music swells} o/~ Brazil, we walked upon your fruited plains --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

2:15 (guys just picking beans) "It's the Coffee Bean Mambo!" --Matteus 14 Jan

2:18 (long shot of guys picking beans) *cow milking sounds* --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

2:24 {two men pouring beans into a sack} (guy on right) 'Hey Earl, we can have a sack race later' ---Pumaman2o

(Is this meant to be delivered as the brother from My Name Is Earl? Or do I have an overactive imagination? --GersonK 23:23, 22 January 2007 (EST))

2:27 (dumping beans in bag) Unbreakable gumball machine my ass! Heh heh. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan


One out of two (Though the long form of Yibble's line probably knocks out "Tradition!")

2:45 {"... to which the talents of millions of men are devoted during their lifetime."} "The *women* we showed slaving away in the previous shot are secondary, unimportant creatures."--YibbleGuy 17:32, 12 January 2007 (EST)

(Yibble - This line is actually over a shot of women. How do you feel about changing it to "These *women* slaving away are secondary, unimportant creatures."? --GersonK 23:23, 22 January 2007 (EST))

2:45 (the talents of millions of men) and these lovely transvestites… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

2:48 {"...to which tradition..."} o/~ Tradition! --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

2:55 (man shakes his head over cup) *in a patronising voice* "No, you're not good coffee at all! no" --Matteus 14 Jan

3:01 (man leans into the next one) *loud snorting* --Matteus 14 Jan

3:07 (a flavor that is just right.) Nosehair. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

03:12 {"...around the world..."} 0/~ Pretty ladies, I got a weird thing to show you [I'll cop to not remembering the tune exactly, but it is a thread unto itself with the nite shift, so it seems to be compulsory http://hipsoda.com/jazz/gallery/cameo.html ] --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

One of the next two 3:12 (many exotic forms) "Table of the World" not to scale. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

3:14 ("...many forms") "Usually liquid form" --Matteus 14 Jan

3:19 {pictures from Paris "... A dream expressed in Cafe Au Lait" } "ole" ---Pumaman2o

One out of the next three (Matt - please revote, a third options been added!)

3:25 {"Half coffee and half hot milk"} "...and all evil!" --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST) 3:25 {"Half coffee and half hot milk"} "...and half cheese!" --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST) (I like the "all evil" joke) --Matteus 14 Jan 3:25 {"Half coffee and half hot milk"} And half bull semen. Ole! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

3:35 {"much like cafe au lait"} *same as pumaman's* "Ole!" --Matteus 14 Jan

One out of two 3:41 {"and a sprinkle of grated orange peel"} *Mario Bros' voice* "Mama Mia!" --Matteus 14 Jan

3:41 {"and a sprinkle of grated orange peel) And a dead crab. Just for kicks! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

One out of two 3:50 {"The music of old Vienna--in a cup!"} "Puree of Mozart."--YibbleGuy 18:49, 10 January 2007 (EST)

3:50 {"The music of old Vienna--in a cup!"} Krautrock in an athletic supporter. Who’s thirsty? --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

One out of two 3:55 {"drift of whipped cream"} "...and a fifth of vodka" --Matteus 14 Jan

3:55 {"drift of whipped cream"} And an out-of-control hydroplane into Cool Whip. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

The Script (part II)

04:03 {"...the mystery of Istanbul..."} Not Constantinople --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

4:09 {"The mystery of Istanbul ... in Turkish coffee."} "Midnight Expresso."--YibbleGuy 19:45, 8 January 2007 (EST)

4:09 (Hiding the rich, sweet broo) …d. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

One of the next two. Matt, do you think the second "like my men" could stand as just "like my men"?

4:15 ("served black") "Like my men." --Matteus 14 Jan

4:15 (served black) like your servants. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

4:17 (in tiny cups) like your wife. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

4:18 ("plenty of sugar") "Again, like my men." --Matteus 14 Jan

4:22 ("but always it is coffee") "what the *hell dude? you just told me that it wasn't!" *I had a stronger word there but I wasn't sure what the profanity rules were --Matteus 14 Jan

One out of three 4:31 ("Success lies in a single word") "Plastics." --Matteus 14 Jan

4:31 {"...success lies in a single word..."} Coffee? {"...care"} Whatever. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

4:31 (success lies in a single word…) Opium. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

4:39 (three simple ingredients) Gas station men’s room tap water… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

One of two 4:42 ("Water, Coffee...") "oh really? coffee?" --Matteus 14 Jan

4:43 (Coffee) Grandma… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan (Jazz - should this line actually be delivered in the split second between the cap coming off and the announcer saying coffee?)


One out of two 4:45 (time) Garage sale housewares… --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

4:45 {"... water, coffee, time"} o/` "Are you goin' to Scarborough Fair?/ Parsley, Water, Coffee, and Time .... " o/'--YibbleGuy 19:52, 8 January 2007 (EST) (Yibble - Do you think this one will still work with riffs on Water & coffee? )


(I think the next two can be squeezed in together. What do you think, sirs?) 4:54 {"The beginning is the coffeepot."} "And the Word was with the coffeepot. And the Word was the coffeepot."--YibbleGuy 18:56, 10 January 2007 (EST)

4:54 (is the coffee pot) Steal as many as you can find. Make a game of it! --Jazzsoda 21 Jan


One of two 5:04 {Bulbous double coffee pot - the first one} Tom Servo's cousin! --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

5:04 (..the same thing in a different way) Like Mexican laborers --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

5:10 (hourglass shaped pot) "This one doubles as a still." --Matteus 14 Jan [There are two sort of hourglassed shaped ones, I think either one could support the still line, but I sort of think my Servo line only works with the first one, if at all. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)]

5:20 {"To make a good cup of coffee, your coffee maker must be clean"} "As must your soul"

There was much debate and rewriting here. Rather than taking any of the reactions as retractions, I've in fact taken the liberty of hacking Yibble's somewhat retracted first attempt here to something less wordy. I think we can handle one out of the first four. The 5:29 line may or may not work wiith the others, so we'll use it it gets high marks or the winning line doesn't step on it.

5:24 {"Free from all remembrances of that last pot of coffee"} 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Coffeemaker'!"--YibbleGuy 19:58, 8 January 2007 (EST)

5:24 (same as above) "and free of sin" --Matteus 14 Jan


{"Free from all remembrances of ..."} "... Things Past."

{"Free from all remembrances of that last pot of coffee"} "... with new Alzheimer's Crystals!"--YibbleGuy 18:14, 17 January 2007 (EST)

5:24 (from that last pot of coffee) as well as skin mites, dandruff, and herpes. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

5:29 {"Ready to begin its work anew--fresh, and really clean!"} "Much like a freshly douched vagina."--YibbleGuy 20:01, 8 January 2007 (EST)

One out of two 5:39 ("Water.") "Water sir?" (Are tere stage directions fo this?)

5:39 ("Water.") *in same narrator voice* "Thirsty, sick man." --Matteus 14 Jan

5:43 {"Too much? Or too little?"} "Because 'just right' is simply not an option."--YibbleGuy 20:03, 8 January 2007 (EST)


One of two 5:49 ("boiled first or later or not at all") "OK now you're just being mean!" --Matteus 14 Jan

5:49 (or not at all!) Fuggit! Don’t let them tell you what is and what isn’t coffee! *HIC* --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

5:51 {weirdly overemphatic "How Long"} "How long, O Lord, how long! THY WICKEDNESS IS A SNARE UNTO ME, BABYLON!"--YibbleGuy 20:13, 8 January 2007 (EST)

One of two 5:57 {"But yet, there *is* only one correct way."} "But, the Bhagavad-Gita says that there are *many* ways within the one way." --YibbleGuy 20:16, 8 January 2007 (EST)

5:57 (Same as above) "Ah, Catholic Coffee" --Matteus 14 Jan

5:59 {"Water: the first element"} "Can you tell that I failed high-school chemistry?"--YibbleGuy 21:52, 14 January 2007 (EST)

6:02 {"clean and cold"} "Like Marie Osmond"--YibbleGuy 21:54, 14 January 2007 (EST)

6:11 ("Then brought to a full boil") "I should be taking notes shouldn't I"

--Matteus 14 Jan

6:19 ("and again questions...") "...about sexual preference" --Matteus 14 Jan

6:24 (percolator?) Burger later? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.

--Jazzsoda 21 Jan

6:26 {"...percolator, or fine?"} Riffer 1: "Fine with me. You?" Riffer 2:

"Sure." --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

6:27 ("how much?") "How should I know??" --Matteus 14 Jan

6:29 ("Coffee") "Coffee?" --Matteus 14 Jan

6:35 (can makes noise) "New Botchalism Coffee!" --Matteus 14 Jan

One of two 6:45 {"One level CBI measure per cup."} "Followed by 'CBI: Miami', on most of

these CBS stations."--YibbleGuy 18:23, 9 January 2007 (EST)

6:46 (one level CBI measure) That’s Coffee Burn Index, for those of you playing

at home --Jazzsoda 21 Jan


6:54 ("This... is the same as this.") "and that is...?" --Matteus 14 Jan

One of two 6:59 {"...same as this...a coffee brewing institure approved measure"} Damn CBI

and their moral relativism. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

7:00 (approved measure) Sanctioned for use in all Olympic coffee events

--Jazzsoda 21 Jan

The Script (part II)

7:06 (pauses for a moment) "hmm, dare I?" (pours) "Yes! teehee!" --Matteus 14 Jan

7:19 (puts together coffee pot) Tada! Freebase --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

7:31 {"...the flame is lowered.."} "The torch is passed." --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

7:32 {"And, well--*watch*.} "And, well--*bite me*."--YibbleGuy 19:01, 10 January 2007 (EST)

One of two 7:37 {"The third element is time"} "The Fifth Element is a pretty cheesy movie."

7:37 (element is time…) Copyright Mark J. Time --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

7:41 ("it too must be measured accurately") "who's gonna do all of this at 5AM?" --Matteus 14 Jan

7:58 {"The taste of coffee heightens and increases until all that is good has been extracted"} "Like my marriage" [This should stay or go with my other marriage crack at 8:18, Gerson]

One of three

8:04 ("and then?") "KABOOM!"

8:04 ("and then?") "Look out!" --Matteus 14 Jan

8:04 (over gentle heat, and then…) You go medieval on its ass. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

8:06 ("The liquid is coffee") "Really? I thought it was soy sauce now!"

--Matteus 14 Jan

One or two of four. The 8:18 may step on the 8:27

8:18 {"From these grounds, there remains nothing more to gain but bitterness."} "But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow these grounds." --YibbleGuy 20:28, 8 January 2007 (EST)

8:18 {"... nothing more to gain but bitterness."} "Much like single career women in their forties." --Soozcat 07:12, 14 January 2007 (EST)

8:18 {"there remains nothing more to gain but bitterness"} "Like in my marriage" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

8:18 (nothing more to gain but bitterness) Side note: the narrator recently divorced a particularly ungrateful wad of coffee grounds. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

8:27 ("Not another iota of good flavour") "Aren't you being a bit harsh sir?" --Matteus 14 Jan

8:27 {"...not another iota of good flavor."} "Do you hear me, you shrew? Not one more iota!" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

One of two

8:38 ("measured and placed in the pot") "Nefertiti's coffeemaker!" --Matteus 14 Jan

8:38 (and placed in the pot) If pot is not available, hashish may be substituted in Turkish coffee. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

8:50 {"... is poured--still boiling--over the coffee."} "And if the coffee had nerve endings, it would probably say something like 'AAAAUUUUGGGH! AAAAUUUGGGH!

AAUUUUGGGGH!'."--YibbleGuy 19:09, 10 January 2007 (EST)

9:05 ("The time?") "9:05" --Matteus 14 Jan


One or two of three (Forty twice or the other two)

9:05 {"..the time...it should take only four to six minutes"} "The price? Forty twice" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

9:05 (the time?) What am I, information? Buy a watch, hippie. --Jazzsoda 21 Jan

9:09 {"It should take only four to six minutes."} "Great! That's enough time for me to have sex. Twice!"--YibbleGuy 21:46, 11 January 2007 (EST)


9:12 {"In the vacuum method ..."} "... your coffee sucks." --YibbleGuy 20:31, 8 January 2007 (EST)

9:25 (nothing's really happening but music) "Nice arrangement of the Crank Yankers theme song" --Matteus 14 Jan

9:36 {The vacuum thingy is lifted up. A string is dangling from its tube.} "If the vacuum device is menstruating, make sure its tampon string is easily accessible."--YibbleGuy 19:13, 10 January 2007 (EST)

9:37 {"The time?"} "A band led by Morris Day."--YibbleGuy 20:34, 8 January 2007 (EST)

9:46 {Coffee boils up} In fear and hot coffee, man is born.

9:59 {"That's all there is."} "I'm Peggy Lee." --YibbleGuy 20:35, 8 January 2007 (EST)

The Script (Part IV)

The People

This project is all about shared labor via the internet. Wee! Here's a rough breakdown of the jobs that need to be performed, and who's volunteered to do them:

  • The Voters (anybody who registers here) - The people who vote on the movie to be riffed, and pick the lines that actually go in
  • The Writers (anybody who registers here) - The people who actually write the riffs
  • The Script Editor (1 or 2 people with help from all) - Responsible for making sure the script is in a usable form - eg people can add lines, it's clear when and how lines are to be read, any riffs that interefere with each other are identified.

GersonK will do this if nobody else will

  • The Talent (2 to 6(?) people) - The people who actually perform the script. GersonK, Matteus. tinaw, and Jazzsoda have volunteered for this phase. Ability to record and upload your work is very helpful.
  • The Video Editor - Squeezes the raw movie and the talent's lines into a final product.

GersonK has volunteered.

  • The Producer - Makes sure that everything happens. GersonK will do this if nobody else will

The Timeline

(All dates subject to change)

  • 1/7/7 - Voting on the film closes. Who knows what hour exactly.
  • 1/8/7 - Writing begins. Somebody (probably the producer) uploads the unriffed film to YouTube.
  • 1/21/7 - Last day to add riffs
  • 1/22/7 - After competing lines are identified (by The Script Editor, hopefully with input from the writers) voting on lines begins (This'll be late on the 22nd. I'm spinning too many plates now - --GersonK 20:42, 21 January 2007 (EST))
  • 1/29/7 - Based on voting, The Script Editor creates a shooting script. The Producer assigns lines to the Talent, based on their input.
  • 2/4/7 - Talent should have sent all audio files to the Video Editor

Shortly thereafter, the Video Editor uploads the final product to a public site, and we start over.


Back to WikiMsting for a project overview

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