WikiMsting/Episode 2

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The Film

Since the final vote was 1 to 1 and I forgot to vote, I'm using the producer's perogative and we're going with the coffee movie. We may have to trim some of it out, so any thoughts on how to pick what to cut are welcome. The other candidates that had mostly positive comments will be back in thenext round, and more round three candidates can be suggested on the discussion tab. --GersonK 14:28, 8 January 2007 (EST)

• This Is Coffee 11:56

YouTube part 1 YouTube part 2 Viddler, all in one

A lot of overblown narration about coffee and extracting that precious flavor from "the closed fist of the bean". May be tough to get a riff in edgewise at some points.

Comments: I thought the first half was pretty good, but as it continues on with variation after variation on "Here's *another* way to make coffee! Like the previous 43 ways, it involves coffee ... and water", I think the opportunities for interesting riffs will be limited.--YibbleGuy 23:00, 3 January 2007 (EST)

I'm leaning between this one and Dial, though I haven't watched Leisure Time yet. For me, the how to make coffee section was any more repetitive than the how to dial section, and we could lose one of the last two methods (probably drip) just as easily as part of the dialing instructions.

--GersonK 01:38, 4 January 2007 (EST)

The Script (Part I)

Add your riffs below. Include lines and actions from the movie in {}. Making it clear what a riff is in response to is as helpful (or moreso) than a timestamp, especially since some people are using the split version on YouTube. Everybody who adds a riff will get credited (onscreen or on the page description) based on the page history. Make a note if you want to be credited with something other than your capper/wiki handle. You can also add your riffs directly onto the video's timeline at viddler. If you don't want to sign up for an account, contact Gerson to get the password to the WikiMsting account.

I'm not sure what YouTube's rules on strong language is. Asking cappers to keep it clean is sort of crazy, but maybe we can think twice on profanities. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

00:05 {music plays, clock ticks} "You can come out of the isolation booth now!" ---- Pumaman2o

[and I am using the youtube version which seems to be 14 seconds slower than the times YibbleGuy is using here]

00:07 (leaky faucet) "10:15 on a Saturday night" --Matteus 14 Jan

00:16 {Shot of sleeping androgyne in eyemask} "It's time to play 'Guess that Gender'! The blindfold is in place, and would our mystery guest sign in please!"... or "Wake up Mr. Bowie--it's time to go record 'Aladdin Sane'!"--YibbleGuy 09:47, 13 January 2007 (EST)

00:06 "Roman Polanski's The Tenant" --Matteus 14 Jan

00:24 {Alarm goes off} o/~ Wake up and smell the caffeine in your bank account --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

00:29 (ringing continues) "she better answer her phone" (hand grabs clock) "oh"

00:37 [As soon as woman's foot appears] HONEY WEST! --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

00:37 {woman walks down the stairs to the beat of the jazzy music} "Everyone should have Brian Setzler around to play your theme music" ---- Pumaman2o {rewritten riff]

00:55 {the jazzy theme switches slightly to more jazz and we see instant coffee being made} "Peter Gunn's coffee is made" --- Pumaman2o

01:02 {Third spoonfull into pot, plenty of grounds are visible on the counter} Uhh miss? Miss, you're spilling it. --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

(Following Gerson's) "Give her a break, she hasn't had her coffee yet." --Matteus 14 Jan

1:10 {"Is this coffee?"} [Confused] Umm, yes? {"No!"} [Momentarily convinced] Ok. Wait, what? {"This is coffee"} [Lost] Huhnh? --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

1:15 {"Is this coffee? Why, no--THIS is coffee"} "I thought Pam Grier was Coffy."--YibbleGuy 19:14, 8 January 2007 (EST)

1:19 {Over "The Coffee Brewing Institute presents"} In asociation with the RAND Corporation --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

1:21 ("This is Coffee!" on screen) "A Quinn Martin Production!" --Matteus 14 Jan

1:24 ("Produced by..." on screen) "Who spit in my coffee?" --Matteus 14 Jan

1:25 {"Produced by Vision Associates" credit} "Followed by: 'The Story of Optometry,' Produced by Juan Valdez."--YibbleGuy 21:44, 14 January 2007 (EST)

1:41 {... caught in the closed fist of the bean, freed then by ...} "... the 13th Amendment."--YibbleGuy 18:53, 10 January 2007 (EST)

01:47 {"..consumed in the hundreds of millions of cupfuls each day"} And that's just counting Dave Foley {can we come up with a more infamous coffee drinker?} --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST)

01:48 ("...millions of cupfuls each day") "...and served in tiny frying pans." --Matteus 14 Jan

01:59 ("Reaches deeply into the culture of many lands") "must be talking about coffee enemas" --Matteus 17 Jan

2:09 {"From tree ..."} o/` "... to shining tree." o/`--YibbleGuy 17:28, 12 January 2007 (EST)

2:11 {shot of single male bean picker} "Juan Valdez's not so smarter brother" ----- Pumaman2o

02:11 {Man picking coffee, music swells} o/~ Brazil, we walked upon your fruited plains --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

2:15 (guys just picking beans) "It's the Coffee Bean Mambo!" --Matteus 14 Jan

2:24 {two men pouring beans into a sack} (guy on right) 'Hey Earl, we can have a sack race later' ---Pumaman2o

2:26 {"... to which the talents of millions of men are devoted during their lifetime."} "The *women* we showed slaving away in the previous shot are secondary, unimportant creatures."--YibbleGuy 17:32, 12 January 2007 (EST)

02:48 {"...to which tradition..."} o/~ Tradition! --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

2:55 (man shakes his head over cup) *in a patronising voice* "No, you're not good coffee at all! no" --Matteus 14 Jan

3:01 (man leans into the next one) *loud snorting* --Matteus 14 Jan

03:12 {"...around the world..."} 0/~ Pretty ladies, I got a weird thing to show you [I'll cop to not remembering the tune exactly, but it is a thread unto itself with the nite shift, so it seems to be compulsory http://hipsoda.com/jazz/gallery/cameo.html ] --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

3:14 ("...many forms") "Usually liquid form" --Matteus 14 Jan

3:27 (viddler version) {pictures from Paris "... A dream expressed in Cafe Au Lait" } "ole" ---Pumaman2o

3:25 {"Half coffee and half hot milk"} "...and all evil!" --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST) 3:25 {"Half coffee and half hot milk"} "...and half cheese!" --GersonK 13:51, 13 January 2007 (EST) (I like the "all evil" joke) --Matteus 14 Jan

3:35 ("much like cafe au lait") *same as pumaman's* "Ole!" --Matteus 14 Jan

3:41 {"Orange peel"} *Mario Bros' voice* "Mama Mia!" --Matteus 14 Jan

3:50 {"The music of old Vienna--in a cup!"} "Puree of Mozart."--YibbleGuy 18:49, 10 January 2007 (EST)

3:55 ("drift of whipped cream") "...and a fifth of vodka" --Matteus 14 Jan

04:03 {"...the mystery of Istanbul..."} Not Constantinople --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

4:09 {"The mystery of Istanbul ... in Turkish coffee."} "Midnight Expresso."--YibbleGuy 19:45, 8 January 2007 (EST)

4:15 ("served black") "Like my men." --Matteus 14 Jan

4:18 ("plenty of sugar") "Again, like my men." --Matteus 14 Jan

4:22 ("but always it is coffee") "what the *hell dude? you just told me that it wasn't!" *I had a stronger word there but I wasn't sure what the profanity rules were --Matteus 14 Jan

4:31 ("Success lies in a single word") "Plastics." --Matteus 14 Jan 4:31 {"...success lies in a single word..."} Coffee? {"...care"} Whatever. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

4:37 {"... water, coffee, time"} o/` "Are you goin' to Scarborough Fair?/ Parsley, Water, Coffee, and Time .... " o/'--YibbleGuy 19:52, 8 January 2007 (EST)

4:42 ("Water, Coffee...") "oh really? coffee?" --Matteus 14 Jan

4:54 {"The beginning is the coffeepot."} "And the Word was with the coffeepot. And the Word was the coffeepot."--YibbleGuy 18:56, 10 January 2007 (EST)

5:04 {Bulbous double coffee pot - the first one} Tom Servo's cousin! --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

5:05 (hourglass shaped pot) "This one doubles as a still." --Matteus 14 Jan [There are two sort of hourglassed shaped ones, I think either one could support the still line, but I sort of think my Servo line only works with the first one, if at all. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)]

5:20 {"To make a good cup of coffee, your coffee maker must be clean"} "As must your soul"

5:24 {"Free from all remembrances of that last pot of coffee"} "And the Oscar goes to ... Charlie Kaufman, for 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Coffeemaker'!"--YibbleGuy 19:58, 8 January 2007 (EST)

5:24 (same as above) "and free of sin" --Matteus 14 Jan

[These lines kind of step on each other, I tried a rewrite that might allow them to live together, or might kill both of them. I'm not sure: http://lustforlunch.com/temp/coffeesample.mp3 It's not exactly final qulaity in performance or editing, but what do you think sirs? --GersonK 01:30, 17 January 2007 (EST)]

I dunno--I think my "Eternal Sunshine" joke is probably too wordy for this rather talky moment in the film. I'd say either go with Matt's riff, or here are a couple of new, briefer options:

1. {"Free from all remembrances of ..."} "... Things Past."

2. {"Free from all remembrances of that last pot of coffee"} "... with new Alzheimer's Crystals!"--YibbleGuy 18:14, 17 January 2007 (EST)

• I like the second one there. I'd have to watch the film again to see if both lines could fit, if not, I'm fine with either --Matteus 18 Jan

5:29 {"Ready to begin its work anew--fresh, and really clean!"} "Much like a freshly douched vagina."--YibbleGuy 20:01, 8 January 2007 (EST)

5:39 ("Water.") "Water sir?" OR *in same narrator voice* "Thirsty, sick man." --Matteus 14 Jan

5:43 {"Too much? Or too little?"} "Because 'just right' is simply not an option."--YibbleGuy 20:03, 8 January 2007 (EST)

5:49 ("boiled first or later or not at all") "OK now you're just being mean!" --Matteus 14 Jan

5:51 {weirdly overemphatic "How Long"} "How long, O Lord, how long! THY WICKEDNESS IS A SNARE UNTO ME, BABYLON!"--YibbleGuy 20:13, 8 January 2007 (EST)

5:57 {"But yet, there *is* only one correct way."} "But, the Bhagavad-Gita says that there are *many* ways within the one way." --YibbleGuy 20:16, 8 January 2007 (EST)

5:57 (Same as above) "Ah, Catholic Coffee" --Matteus 14 Jan

5:59 {"Water: the first element"} "Can you tell that I failed high-school chemistry?"--YibbleGuy 21:52, 14 January 2007 (EST)

6:02 {"clean and cold"} "Like Marie Osmond"--YibbleGuy 21:54, 14 January 2007 (EST)

The Script (part II)

6:11 ("Then brought to a full boil") "I should be taking notes shouldn't I" --Matteus 14 Jan

6:19 ("and again questions...") "...about sexual preference" --Matteus 14 Jan

6:26 {"...percolator, or fine?"} Riffer 1: "Fine with me. You?" Riffer 2: "Sure." --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

6:27 ("how much?") "How should I know??" --Matteus 14 Jan

6:29 ("Coffee") "Coffee?" --Matteus 14 Jan

6:35 (can makes noise) "New Botchalism Coffee!" --Matteus 14 Jan

6:45 {"One level CBI measure per cup."} "Followed by 'CBI: Miami', on most of these CBS stations."--YibbleGuy 18:23, 9 January 2007 (EST)

6:54 ("This... is the same as this.") "and that is...?" --Matteus 14 Jan

6:59 {"...same as this...a coffee brewing institure approved measure"} Damn CBI and their moral relativism. --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

7:06 (pauses for a moment) "hmm, dare I?" (pours) "Yes! teehee!" --Matteus 14 Jan

7:31 {"...the flame is lowered.."} "The torch is passed." --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

7:32 {"And, well--*watch*.} "And, well--*bite me*."--YibbleGuy 19:01, 10 January 2007 (EST)

7:37 {"The third element is time"} "The Fifth Element is a pretty cheesy movie."

7:41 ("it too must be measured accurately") "who's gonna do all of this at 5AM?" --Matteus 14 Jan

7:58 {"The taste of coffee heightens and increases until all that is good has been extracted"} "Like my marriage" [This should stay or go with my other marriage crack at 8:18, Gerson]

8:04 ("and then?") "KABOOM!" OR "Look out!" --Matteus 14 Jan

8:06 ("The liquid is coffee") "Really? I thought it was soy sauce now!" --Matteus 14 Jan

8:18 {"From these grounds, there remains nothing more to gain but bitterness."} "But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow these grounds." --YibbleGuy 20:28, 8 January 2007 (EST)

8:18 {"... nothing more to gain but bitterness."} "Much like single career women in their forties." --Soozcat 07:12, 14 January 2007 (EST)

8:18 {"there remains nothing more to gain but bitterness"} "Like in my marriage" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

8:27 ("Not another iota of good flavour") "Aren't you being a bit harsh sir?" --Matteus 14 Jan

8:27 {"...not another iota of good flavor."} "Do you hear me, you shrew? Not one more iota!" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

8:38 ("measured and placed in the pot") "Nefertiti's coffeemaker!" --Matteus 14 Jan

8:50 {"... is poured--still boiling--over the coffee."} "And if the coffee had nerve endings, it would probably say something like 'AAAAUUUUGGGH! AAAAUUUGGGH! AAUUUUGGGGH!'."--YibbleGuy 19:09, 10 January 2007 (EST)

9:05 ("The time?") "9:05" --Matteus 14 Jan

9:05 {"..the time...it should take only four to six minutes"} "The price? Forty twice" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

9:09 {"It should take only four to six minutes."} "Great! That's enough time for me to have sex. Twice!"--YibbleGuy 21:46, 11 January 2007 (EST)

9:12 {"In the vacuum method ..."} "... your coffee sucks." --YibbleGuy 20:31, 8 January 2007 (EST)

9:25 (nothing's really happening but music) "Nice arrangement of the Crank Yankers theme song" --Matteus 14 Jan

9:36 {The vacuum thingy is lifted up. A string is dangling from its tube.} "If the vacuum device is menstruating, make sure its tampon string is easily accessible."--YibbleGuy 19:13, 10 January 2007 (EST)

9:37 {"The time?"} "A band led by Morris Day."--YibbleGuy 20:34, 8 January 2007 (EST)

9:46 {Coffee boils up} In fear and hot coffee, man is born.

9:59 {"That's all there is."} "I'm Peggy Lee." --YibbleGuy 20:35, 8 January 2007 (EST)

10:05 {"Like all good secrets, its simplicity is its magic."} "The Manhattan Project, for example."--YibbleGuy 17:47, 12 January 2007 (EST)

10:05 {"..it's simplicity is its magic"} [a la Hannibal Lecter] "Simplicity, Clarice" [He doesn't actually say this, but I couldn't find/remember a good usage that could be taken out of context. I think the joke still works. Or does it?] --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

10:07 (Same as above) "but what about all that international crap you showed us earlier?" --Matteus 14 Jan

10:16 (tune: Stand By Your Man) " o/` Sometimes it's hard to be a Mormon..." --Soozcat 07:22, 14 January 2007 (EST)

10:18 (coffee boiling) *a la Beverley Hillbillies* "and up from the pot came a-bubblin' crude" --Matteus 14 Jan

10:32 ("Has now been captured in a cup") "Where you keep it on a twig" OR "Where you now taunt it." --Matteus 14 Jan

10:37 ("A body to go with its aroma and taste") "Unlike me." --Matteus 14 Jan

11:03 ("The proper grind and carefully measured") "Then poured into a brandy snifter." --Matteus 14 Jan

11:08 ("Time, carefully measured") "do I pour boiling water over the clock too?" --Matteus 14 Jan

11:21 {"Coffee--sending its glow into our lives around the clock."} "Because it induces insomnia."--YibbleGuy 18:19, 12 January 2007 (EST)

11:26 ("it helps us to start the day with warmth and vigour") "and to help us forget what we did last night." --Matteus 14 Jan

11:40 ("Pleasant spur to the morning's work") *as woman* "No thanks, I'll stick to my yerba maté with soy milk." --Matteus 14 Jan

11:41 {"A pleasant spur to the morning's work"} (Dominatrix voice) "Because you LIKE it when your mistress uses the SPURS, don't you, you worthless ...."--YibbleGuy 22:17, 14 January 2007 (EST)

11:54 ("A world that often forgets to stop") "because they're all high on caffeine" --Matteus 14 Jan

11:54 {"A world that often forgets to stop"} "... because Anthony Newley wants to get off."--YibbleGuy 19:37, 15 January 2007 (EST)

12:05 ("Coffee is always the perfect companion") *as sung in commercials* "TROJAN MAN!"

12:11 ("it's at home in any setting...") "Yeah, it kicks its shoes off..." --Matteus 14 Jan

12:16 {Pourer pushes sugar dish out of the way with coffee pot} "Outta my way sugar!" --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

12:17 {"A simple thing, easy to attain."} "Like Lindsay Lohan."--YibbleGuy 21:00, 9 January 2007 (EST)

12:21 {"Well made, and well enjoyed."} "Like Lindsay Lohan."--YibbleGuy 21:00, 9 January 2007 (EST)

(anytime during closing words) "And remember, Decaf is the Devil's work!" --Matteus 16 Jan

12:25 {closing words "... a GOOD cup, of GOOD coffee."} "Good grief." "Good riddance." [James Brown voice] "Good God!" [George Burns voice] "Good night, Gracie."--YibbleGuy 19:26, 10 January 2007 (EST)

12:25 {after the last riff} "And Goodnight, Mrs Calabash, where ever you are" (a la Jimmy Durante) ---Pumaman2o

12:30 {Over swelling music} [All riffers together, a la J&tB reiterating the theme at the end of some shorts] Coffee!! --GersonK 00:32, 15 January 2007 (EST)

[Random idea .... a coffee tv commercial riff would not be amiss .. preferably if you can squeeze in a Jean-Luc bit .... y'know the 1980s - 1990s TV ads that feature two women reminiscing about Paris and they rememeber their waiter or whatever he was -- Pumaman20 .... international moments it was called or somesuch]

The People

This project is all about shared labor via the internet. Wee! Here's a rough breakdown of the jobs that need to be performed, and who's volunteered to do them:

The Voters (anybody who registers here) - The people who vote on the movie to be riffed, and pick the lines that actually go in The Writers (anybody who registers here) - The people who actually write the riffs The Script Editor (1 or 2 people with help from all) - Responsible for making sure the script is in a usable form - eg people can add lines, it's clear when and how lines are to be read, any riffs that interefere with each other are identified. GersonK will do this if nobody else will The Talent (2 to 6(?) people) - The people who actually perform the script. GersonK, Matteus. and tinaw have volunteered for this phase. Ability to record and upload your work is very helpful. The Video Editor - Squeezes the raw movie and the talent's lines into a final product. GersonK has volunteered. The Producer - Makes sure that everything happens. GersonK will do this if nobody else will

The Timeline

(All dates subject to change)

• 1/7/7 - Voting on the film closes. Who knows what hour exactly.
• 1/8/7 - Writing begins. Somebody (probably the producer) uploads the unriffed film to YouTube.
• 1/21/7 - Last day to add riffs
• 1/22/7 - After competing lines are identified (by The Script Editor, hopefully with input from the writers) voting on lines begins
• 1/29/7 - Based on voting, The Script Editor creates a shooting script. The Producer assigns lines to the Talent, based on their input.
• 2/4/7 - Talent should have sent all audio files to the Video Editor

Shortly thereafter, the Video Editor uploads the final product to a public site, and we start over.

Back to WikiMsting for a project overview