Vitamin Beedo

This started when I was trying to think up the World's Worst Pick-Up Line, based on the cornball lines the MST3K gang used during their riffs.

And I succeeded beyond my wildest expectations.

The line I came up with was: "I'm no doctor, but you look like you could do with a healthy dose of Vitamin Me." I believe it came to me in early 1996, shortly after I started at Kent State University's main campus, and a fellow student (whose handle I can't recall, and of whom I've never seen hide nor hair since -- he must have been an angel on a mission to direct me to Capping) got me onto Caption This! after I sat down in the computer lab next to this guy who had a familiar trio of silhouetted ninnyhammers on a screengrab-page.

Anyway, I started using this caption whenever there was a screengrab of a particulalry smarmy-looking guy who was grinning predatorially at an attractive female. But whenever there was an exceptionally attractive female in a screengrab, particularly one on her own, I changed it from the original "Vitamin Me" version to "I'm no doctor, but she looks like she could do with a healthy dose of Vitamin Beedo!" so the other cappers present would be left with no doubt about my feelings for that particular actress. From there developed my online persona (which is actually just my own real persona transmitted by modem) of a hot-headed, scathingly sarcastic, unbelievably libidinous computer-hacking alien. ("You can't say libido without saying Beedo!")

And then other cappers started picking it up. I was flattered. My line was so incredibly bad, it was considered (by some odd Zen-like inversion) good. People started using it when I wasn't on the boards. And then, the world-spanning nature of the internet came into play.

Supermassive ego aside, I have no illusions about my greatness (or considerable and eminently noticeable lack thereof), but my ceaseless efforts on the internet since being introduced to it in 1996 have produced two documented pop-culture phenomena. The first is getting Beedo named as Greedo's cousin (as opposed to any other non-specific relative), since I've never seen him described as such anywhere in any other Star Wars book or website before I started my own Beedo-based website. The second (and much more satisfying) came when it seems the internet disseminated my excruciatingly bad pick-up line across the world to such a degree that it became widespread enough to appear in a book, The World's Stupidest Chat-Up Lines, although in a slightly modified form.

For more information, you can visit the Fake Advertiser's Announcement - Vitamin Beedo Online! official page. And try not to retch at the appallingly bad entendres so unsubtle, they're stuck somewhere between double and single. Enjoy!

- Beedo