- Handle: TheLurker
- Real Name: Astrid Giese-Zimmer
- D.O.B.: June 4, 1987
- Occupation: none
- Marital Status: single
- Kids: Ewww! No!
- Handle Origin: I was shy during my early indernet days, so I lurked just about everywhere. I keep using it now because "Lurker" is a damn cool word.
- Alternate Handle(s): Ant the ant for a short time of denial and insanity
- You Can Find Me Capping: I'll tell you later
Okayyy... let's see of I can fit my Capper history in here... let's see. I've been looking at various galleries from the CT! days since I first came to this land of confusion known as the internet. I just didn't want to join because to join CT!, I'd have to give SciFi.com my email address. Yeah, like I'm giving my addy to those guys. So, for a while I just observed. Then, GlitterRock (who I am forever in debt to for this) invented Cap-Page Board. Finally, a chance to be a Capper without having to put my trust in a frickin cable network.
I was pretty slow at first. I didn't know exactly what was funny or not... I found out later, it didn't matter. Just go with the flow. I think I started getting noticed when we capped the Doctor Who story "The Five Doctors" featuring Anthony Ainley as the Master, and whom I had a MAJOR thing for. Around that time, in real life, Anthony had become my celebrity pen-pal (as he had with many others). Before soon, I couldn't shut up about him. I knew every movie, every tv show he was in.. just about. I knew he had a cameo at the beginning at the Bond film "You Only Live Twice"... unfortunately, the widescreen DVD of that movie wasn't out yet, and he couldn't be seen in fullscreen.. so when we got around to capping that, I went totally bonkers. I couldn't see him. Looking back, it just reeks of spoiled brattery... but I was young then. Young and in love. Mind you, none of the Cappers seemed to know my real age then, for I was not living in reality. TheLurker was a mask for me, for a shy teen girl to disguise herself as a woman of mystery, of sexuality. Whatever Lurker wants, Lurker gets... and little Master, Lurker wants YOU! *ahem* But dearest Anthony was not the only target of my affections.. the only one I could reach IRL, yes, but I had others. One of note was Pete Burns, androgynous front man of 80s band Dead or Alive. In fact I was considering making him my second-in-command (as it were) Capper Crush. One small problem. He had *cough* had some changes since the 80s. Namely, the 80 lbs of collagen in his lips. Hey, if it makes him happy... but what was I to do? I could just look at 80s pics of him, live in the past... or I could come to terms with reality. Fine, I said to myself. But I was not yet ready to reveal this too the other Cappers. So through the latter half of 2003, I had an extra secret crush.
At the beginning of 2004, life seemed to be going great. In February, we celebrated Capper Crush month, and with glee I franticly capped Anthony in the 1970 horror classic "Blood on Satan's Claw". Pure ecstasy. In March, we Capped the video for Dead or Alive's hit "You Spin Me Round", and I figured it was finally time to drag Pete out of the Capper Crush closet.... so to speak. Didn't get as bad reception as I thought. In April, spring break arrived and I took a break from Capping to visit my aunt in Seattle. It would be the last time I could truly say I was happy.
On the 10th of May, I got an email from Glitter. Anthony Ainley had died, apparently, maybe. At that time no one knew if it was true. The obituary could be a mistake. It wasn't. I had lost the one person, the light of my life, my Capper Crush; and I was the only Capper who could ever say I knew my Crush. Not anymore. I was devastated, heartbroken, alone. But I couldn't let my fellow Cappers down. I had to carry on, no matter what. Unfortunately, I could no longer carry on my "Lurker" persona, the clever oversexed side of my personality. I was broken. Up to this day, I'm only half back together. I have now admitted my true age, that I am younger than I have acted. In real life, I have always been depressed, but it wasn't until then that it began to spill out into my Caps. Now the Lurker was me... I could no longer hide behind the mask. Or was I the mask? It seems I have gone a bit mental in the past 2 years, for some days I seem to have no personality, except when I am Capping. I would almost say I'm like Peter Sellers in a way, but let's not be blasphemous. I'm not THAT funny.
Well, that's about it. I'm still clever and funny, but life can never be the same for me. Earlier this year, Pete Burns appeared on Celebrity Big Brother in the UK, and for a while, I had my "groove" back. Meaning, I felt like the Lurker of old. I sure didn't know Pete the way I did with Anthony, but finally, a Crush out in the open. But what did keep him out of the spotlight for 2 years? I found out later in an interview that in around May 2004, something went suddenly horribly wrong with his plastic surgery, and he had to spend 2 years going in and out of hospitals. He was so poor, had to sell his back catalogue of songs (hence "You Spin Me Round" is now in a frikkin Special K commercial). After he finally got his lovely (to me anyway) face reconstructed, Celebrity Big Brother was a quick way to get dough. I for one knew he wouldn't go on some dumb reality show without reason. But in my mind, I had to think... May 2004... one Crush dies, the other had a freak occurance with his plastic surgery. I started to wonder if I'm cursed or they're cursed by my love for them. Maybe I am crazy. But still, at least I still had a Crush... albeit one who now had a BOYfriend.. then a fiancée... but I, unlike other Cappers, am not possessive. I mean, how many other women had Anthony had? Probably a lot. Jealous, yes, but not possessive. Well, unfortunately for Pete, in didn't last long. Mr. Name-withheld-fiancée was soon cavorting around with a tranny (which Pete is NOT.. damn, I'll have to make a whole article for him), and Pete got in a fight with him.... and now Pete's in jail for doing what any self-respecting woman (even though he's not one) would have done had her fiancée been unfaithful. Why am I bringing all this up in an article about me? Well:
1) It tells you how uneventful MY life is. 2) How much my Crushes mean to me 3) How unlucky my Crushes are. and 4) Why I'm still mopey.
Well, that's about in until now. To sum up: I, TheLurker, have an uneven grip on reality, tend to act older than I am, and have the unluckiest Crushes. I can only hope things will get better, at least for Pete. As for Anthony... well, I called Satan and asked him if there's any deal I could make with him, but he says he's booked until the next century. DOH! But the most important thing is I still have my Capper friends. Damn, almost forgot you guys. I love yous guys, you know that.