I'm
all full of love.....that and some pee.
Tonight
I'm gonna party like its last weekend, because...man what a party.
So
many STD's, so little time.
I
haven't seen you in forever! Who are you again?
You
gotta hand it to that George Michael. If you don't he'll hand it himself.
If
I had a choice between listening to you and losing a nut... I hear you
can actually do pretty good with only one.
I
just saw Santa--the bastard was stuffing my wife's underwear! Must be gettin'
senile!
"I'm
gonna kill myself!" Blah, blah, blah... you're always talking big and never
doing nothing about it!
Hey!
Twelve-inch pianist! I get it now! Sorry I punched that bastard.
There's
no lovin'..... like momma's lovin'
Behold
the power of cheese. Now run for your fuckin' life!!
Give
me abiguity or give me something else!
It's
been a hard days night, and I've been working like a dog. I licked myself,
drank out of the toilet, and ate my own feces.
Life
would be unbearable without the constant pressures of my worthless job
and thoughtless family!
If
I said you had a beautiful body, would you give me a handjob?
Aw!
I hate it when my team loses. So I usually crash the bus so they never
show up!
Wouldn't
it be nice if we were older... then we could get senior discounts and be
horribly negelected!
Just
one time I'd like to come home to a clean house! Or a house at all, instead
of this damn paper sack!
I
haven't seen anything that wrinkled since I was an elephant proctologist!
My
true love is Jack Daniels! But I have to admit I've been unfaithful with
Jim Beam and an occasional St. Pauli Girl!
Give me your car keys. Thanks. Now the next
time you act like an idiot I'm taking your house, too.
If everytime God closes a door he opens a window, how come I'm still trapped
in this fucking body?!?
Man, I'm an accident waiting to profit!
Can you believe Carrot Top shot himself?!? He didn't? Oh. Can you believe
that?
I never met a man I didn't lick!
A fool and his money are soon found floating in the East Bay like so much
garbage. I need a drink.
Fish and houseguests stink after three days. Both taste pretty good as
well.
Why do you wash your laundry in a WASHER and dry your laundry in an OVEN...
crazy world, ain't it? Heh heh ha!
I owe money to the tune of about $500, but if you believe Jimmy Scrapiano,
the tune is called, "I'm breaking your fuckin' knees Wednesday," but I
don't like that one as much.
My dog's always whining--"Kibbles and bitch and bitch and bitch," that's
all I ever hear.
Ever dance with a large leathered biker in the pale moonlight?
Man! I haven't heard from you since the last time I needed something from
your pathetic sorry sadsack case!
Life stinks like the bodies buried under my porch.
Yeah, man, I was gonna call you but, at the last minute, I remembered what
a fuckin' twisto you were.
Skittleless
Quaint
Gibraltar
Yummmmmmmy
Pecker-fueled
This looks like a job I had in Ol' Times Square!
This looks like a job... the same job that TOOK MY FATHER'S LIFE! AAAAAAAAAAHHH!
This looks like a job, job, jobby-job job-job, J-O-B, jimmy-jumpin' job-job...
oh. Sorry. Freaked out for a moment there.
This looks like a job for the truly deserving, ho-hum.
