Dear Commune:

You have my phone number. You, the commune. You need to call the phone company and straighten this out. I’ve had the same phone number for 42 years and I’m NOT about to give it up. Thank you.


Agnes Knutson
Bromade, NJ


Dear Agnes:

We here at the commune are very sorry to hear that your life has become interesting in a way that makes you mildly uncomfortable. Obviously, we’ll call the phone company right away and make sure they restore to you the number you’ve earned by staying in the same miserable place for your entire life. Pssssh! Right! You can stuff it up your ass with the nice old lady act, lady. We here at the commune pay our bills, biiiiatch, and if you see fit to bring your mess all up in our shit again you will be introduced to some mad hurtin’. Damn. Also, tell your withered old biddy friends to stop calling here, they keep kicking us off the Internet.

the commune


Editor's Note: the commune is not responsible for anything we got your kids to eat. Lengthy precedent has established that U.S. courts consider a triple dog dare to be legally binding.

Volume 29
Thanks for the word, dude. Red Bagel appreciates your vote and if he voted, we’re sure he voted for you, too.

Volume 28
Thank you for your kind letter. Knowing we have touched a life so dearly is the fuel that keeps us going here at the commune, like what propane is for a gas-huffing redneck.