dear commune:

you guys rock the block, and I mean that sincerely. sometimes I wish I was a part of the commune staff, participating in wacky hijinx on a daily basis and being the butt of hilarious jokes. also, have you guys ever thought of coming out with special edition commune-flavored candy bars? I’d buy them, for sure. sometimes reading the site isn’t enough, I really want to eat the commune. just a thought.


Loel Lumley
Asphalt, NV


Dear Loel:

Thank you for your kind letter. Knowing we have touched a life so dearly is the fuel that keeps us going here at the commune, like what propane is for a gas-huffing redneck. We appreciate your support and look forward to bringing you your favorite commune features for years to come.

That being said, are you fucking retarded or something? I mean, were you dropped on your head before your skull hardened or were you just born this way? Jesus H. Christ riding a dildo-shaped dinosaur, I mean, come on! We’ve received some stupid suggestions in our day, most of them from our Editor Red Bagel, but we’re pretty sure you’ve just squeezed yours out right on the very top of the shit pile. Don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but you’ve clearly got shit for brains.

Thanks again for your letter, and keep reading the commune!

the commune


Editor's Note: the commune is not responsible for anything that ever happened on a Tuesday. We don’t even answer the phones on Tuesday. Tuesday is our “hanging loose” day and if you’re not hip to that, well, you can just find yourself a new online best friend. Though if you do decide to go that way, could you wait until Wednesday to let us know about it? Because of Tuesday being, well, you know, and all. Thanks.

Volume 27
Ooooh, man, you were so close. Would a hint help? How about 3 hints? Christmas cards. 1993 Kourtland Family Reunion. Cap’n Crunch Crunchberries.

Volume 26
Thanks for your literate spanking; Lil Duncan in particular enjoyed it. We have been dropping the ball here at the commune, and we’d rather be famous for our top-of-the-heap conspiracy unraveling than our dropped balls.