More Top Rejected Muppets: Groper  • Andy Cass  • Rat Bastard  • The Turkish Prison Guard
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Monday, Mar. 4, 2002
“Old men have their fishing stories, and Sampson L. Hartwig is no exception. The best fishing story is when I was nigh 25, I went fishing with my college buddy Meadows.

Meadows was an expert fisherman, raised in a fisherman family. His father was a fisherman, his father’s father was a fisherman, his father’s father’s father sold lingerie in Times Square, but the father of that father’s father’s father was a fisherman as well, so on.

I had all the lures money could buy, and some I could only trade sexual favors for. Meadows had only a pack of gum. He chewed a piece, shaped the A.B.C. gum into a somewhat fish-like shape, and wrapped the silver wrapper around it. It looked sort of like a fish, I was even tempted to bite it myself. Meadows put it on a hook and tossed it into the water.

‘That’s all the bait you’re using?’ I asked him. He smiled slyly, tilted his hat down over his eyes, and nodded. I began using my high-tech lures, one after the other, and all through the day Meadows only used the gum-and-wrapper lures he made himself.

Well, by the time the day was over it was quite a surprise. I had a cooler full of 33 fish, all various sizes large and small, while Meadows’ cooler was full of empty beer cans and vomit. I later found out Meadows was considered quite the loser by his family of fishermen.”

“Fishing”


Milestones
2000: Ramrod Hurley is hired as a commune correspondent after the failure of his startup internet company, www.poopoftheday.com.

Now Hiring
Extras. Positions available for extras in Boogie Nights 2. Minimum wage, lunch provided as well as SAG credit. Full frontal nudity required, well-endowed equipment or prosthetics a plus.
Bestselling Books
1. 
The Tired Lawyer Concept
John Grisham
2. 
Sexual Intercourse For Dummies
Mitch Harvey
3. 
Networking For Assholes
Kelly Ward
4. 
Spanish For the Impotent
Dean Harmon
5. 
The Dysfunctional Family Who Could Not Suppress Their Problems For One Lousy Thanksgiving
Rupert Baird



Copyright © 2002 the.commune Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is likely to piss off her dad big-time.





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