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Flush it Down, Charlie Brown
Ned Nedmiller, Case Study
Monday, Jan. 21, 2002
Ned Nedmiller come from a long line of popular sloganeers. Nary a
time has this great nation hoofed it off to war without a snappy
Nedmiller slogan a-hummin’ in their brain boxes. In the big one it
was “Give a Hoot, Smoke a Boot” and in the big one, the sequel, it
was “Damn the Gravy Crank, Macie!” Them Korean War wouldna been near
as keen were it not for “Loose Anus, Shank the Dentist” and who can
think of Vietnam without remarkin’ to themselves “Gimmie a Slice a’
Mermaid Pie!” Not quite as many people as you’d think.
Ned’s daddy, and the fella who shot Ned’s daddy out his pee-hole
(Steve) both was popular sloganeers also. Them presided over the
golden age of sloganeerin’, and nobody not far or near confused them
with anything but the best. Dad Nedmiller often would tell stories
of them days of his four fathers back when them slogans was classic
and simple, and of the time when his pappercorn invented the world’s
most famous slogan: “Okay, Bill.” That was the ringer that cemented
his undying fame and created them family fortune you’ve been readin’
about on the bubblegum wrappers and whatnot. It was the slogan
against which all others would be judgemencated, and harshly so.
But that’s not to say Dadmiller and Grandcracker didna dream up
any no other slogans of international famousness. “Don’t Wet My
Bagpipe!” “A Man, A Tarpaulin, A Combustible Weasel Throne: Sioux
Falls,” “I Can’t Believe I Porked the Pope!” “The Rancid Backbeaver
State,” “Don’t Eat the TNT,” “Remember the Alamo and Some Milk,”
“Give Me Liberty or Give Me Electric Sex Goggles,” “We Have Nothing
to Fear But Martian Sodomy Squads,” and “Rowdy’s Soup is Mm Mm Wet,”
are all to their credits. A fine legacy that’s one tough horse and
pony show to follow, if you don’t mind me sayin’.
Ned Nedmiller has done his best to follow in their novelty-sized
footsteps. Nedder made his name early with such rememberable slogans
as “A Friend in Needles is in Nevada,” “I’m With Stupid,” “Shit
Stinks,” “Go Up, Space Moron,” “Smells Like Kindercare,” “Rachet
Down the Tuna Shaker,” “Asthmatics Have More Fun,” “Dribble Glass,
My Ass,” and “Don’t Spaz the Curb Monkey!” But Neddle didn’t really
hit his stride until he penned the counterculture hit slogan of them
60’s: “Flush it Down, Charlie Brown.” Them slogan captured the
imagniariums of a whole generation and put Nedder on the map, as
them cartographers is fond of sayin’. Ned got himself a tickletape
parade for that caper, and is still beloved by acid burn-outs of
all ages, yessir.
Sloganeerin’ is quite a pursuit, bringing you much famousness
when done right and the satisfaction of givin’ folks something to
say when they got nothing to say on their own. Quite a charm. And
don’t let a contradictionary word be spoke about the eternal nature
of them very best slogans. You know what them robotic space
dinosaurs will say in a billion and one years when they dig up them
fossils of you and your neighbors. That’s right. “Flashdance in
Grover Cleveland’s Ass!”
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