Biography
Sampson L. Hartwig was born the sweet-talking son of a preacher man in Shingles
Mountain, Nevada long long ago. Not much is known about Sampson’s early years,
other than what he'll tell you, but that's always a little suspect since he's
been known to say just about anything to get into a girl's pants. Sampson’s
father, Jack Hartwig, was known all over the county as the man who stood up to,
shot and killed the big black monster that had been terrorizing the town and
stealing everyone's cigarette butts. Jack later did 15 years in Nevada’s
infamous Colonial Penn Penn prison for shooting the driver of the street sweeper.
Those close to Sampson suggest that this tragic turn of events deeply influenced
his development as a young man, and anyone who's seen him eat his own cigarette
butts can attest to this. Sampson himself once spent 36 hours in county lock-down
for squirting mustard on local wiener dogs, but the cot made his arm fall asleep
and Sampson found that hard time did not suit his waterbed lifestyle. He paid the
$3 fine and has been a law-abiding citizen ever since.
Just-Hatched Hartwigs