Biography
Ned Nedmiller was born in Waughkipseah, Pennsylvania in 1847. At the age of seven,
he was hit by an ice cream truck while playing in his back yard and was killed.
Sixty years later, it was discovered that this was a clerical error and that the
ice cream truck had actually died that terrible day. Ned spent the rest of his
childhood in the 1910's, spending most of his time in a homemade submarine that
he had constructed out of a discarded refrigerator and a box of lead. On his
eleventh birthday, Ned took his submarine (“The Dolly Pardon”) out for it's
maiden voyage in the Atlantic. Scuba divers found him 50 years later, still
exploring the silt on the floor of the Atlantic. Thanks to the strict diet of
Easter Peeps and orange soda Ned had adhered to as a child, his body had not aged
during his deep-sea hibernation, and after being hoisted to the surface, Ned
rounded out his childhood years in the 1960's. After earning a Bachelor's degree
in vacuum cleaner repair from Max Stiger's Fly-by-Night Correspondence University
in 1974, Ned went on to work as a free-lance inventor, earning extra income on
the side as a DJ for funerals and wakes. Ned never lost his love for the sea,
earning international acclaim as a master fisherman and widespread controversy
for his plan to chlorinate the Atlantic Ocean. In addition, Ned is a founding
member of the AAA and is revered as a deity by a small cult in southern Colorado.
Newest Neds