Greetings, humans. At one time I was Marcus Peterson. Since those childlike, innocent times, those good days, I was hideously disfigured by fire. Now I am lord of that element. As master of fire and death, I am now known as Beastigall.
 

I teach math.
 

One day I shall command all of you as I do the harshest of nature's creations. When that day comes, you must have the basic knowledge required. The mastery of mathematics is imperative as you design the temples to torture my tormentors and the machines with which I shall carry out my reign. And please, don't be afraid to ask questions! When one of us asks questions, everybody learns!
 

I shall assume you have the rudiamentary building blocks required for a college-level mathematics course. These, of course, are simple addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. To some extent a knowledge of other arithmetical devices would be helpful, but the slack dogs that seek to instruct our youth have not the power nor control to instruct with an iron hand as do I. Unversed in the basic tools of math? Perhaps a tutor will do. Contact my minion Ray Jackson of Harrisburg Community College in Pennsylvania. Mention my earth name and you shall receive a reduced rate.
 

We shall begin with basic algebra. Algebra is the use of letters and numbers to replace numbers whose identity remains unknown to us. As the numbers cower, we seek and devour them through the use of algerbraic equations.
 

There is nowhere to hide.
 

A basic equation will appear to you in a form like this:

If we know that the true identity of A is "5," and the identity of our ultimate sum, C, is "10." The answer is but a small mystery. We substitute these bizarre letters for our found-out numbers.

From there, we theorize that subtracting 5 from 10 (using aforementioned simple subtraction) will reveal to us 5. 5 is our answer! There is no escape from algebra!

Next week we shall continue with more complex equations. I will also offer unto you a syllabus.

Beastigall is the supreme lord and master of fire. He shall one day rule you all. In his former identity as Marcus Peterson, he taught Intermediate Algebra at Ohio State University, before the horrible lab accident. No one talks about it much now. But everyone here sure remembers. His classes at U Ignorant campus in Ignorant, Wisconsin are but the first of a series of endless lessons to the insolent.