Many independent probes have begun to look into the practices of national network affiliates owned by Sinclair Broadcasting Group after the company pledged to air the anti-John Kerry film Stolen Honor on all its networks. Some research has uncovered a history of support for the GOP, a concentrated agenda against the Democratic party, and also revealed proposed plans to air more films and programs designed to denigrate presidential candidate John Kerry and give George W. Bush the advantage in their political match-up.

Sinclair, who also earned Democrats’ ire for refusing to air Nightline’s reading a list of dead U.S. soldiers in April, is treating the Kerry-bashing film as news content. It compares the nationwide free airtime for Republican views to the limited-release theatrical film Fahrenheit 9/11, basically meaning fuck balanced political programming. On the heels of the film’s airing, in the remaining time before Americans go to the polls Nov. 2, the company is planning other right-wing spin programs on Kerry.

John Kerry: Warlock?, an independently-produced film by the religious group Swift Christians for Truth, postulates that the Massachusetts senator may have been fathered by a goat and possesses mystical powers that allow him to alter the presence of nuclear materials, even erase them from existence. Though mostly assembled from stock footage of the candidate and interviews with unaccredited “experts,” the film does contain a segment purported to show a young Kerry in a pointy hat turning a horse into a unicorn. Others, however, say the blurry footage was recently staged, and that’s clearly Scott Baio playing the lead role.

Another film, Sandbagger: John Kerry’s Real War Record, alleges the senator actually started the first Gulf War when, at a cocktail party in 1990, Kerry suggested to Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein he should take back Kuwait as part of Iraq. Democratic opposition to the film claims it’s incredibly false, that Kerry was only joking with the guy, and the man reputed to be Saddam Hussein had actually attended the costume party as Super Mario.

Less likely to air, but still listed among recent Sinclair acquisitions, John Kerry: What a Pussy, seems little more than a suckerpunch film made to ridicule the man on a personal level. In addition to showing still pictures of Kerry next to flesh-torn zombies and cartoon dog Droopy, the film accuses Kerry of catching crabs in Vietnam and makes quite rude insinuations about his mother.

Other viewers of Sinclair networks say it isn’t the first time the company has taken a side in political races. Certain anonymous Sinclair viewers, like Martha Philips of North Ridge, Virginia, say the sound cut out frequently during two of the three debates, all while Kerry was speaking, while another viewer insists a picture of Jesus was superimposed behind the president during the first debate.

“I also swear,” says Margolis, Washington viewer Richard Higgs, “that the movie I watched last week originally starred John Wayne. But that guy who I saw in the movie then looked a hell of a lot like George Bush.”

Sinclair has already made good on some of its other proposed anti-Kerry imagery, showing an embarrassing television appearance by the senator last Saturday culled from a 1980 episode of Dance Fever.

the commune news is also anti-Kerry, but we of course mean Kerry, the coffee shop girl who rebuffs your advances with a role of her eyes—why you got to be so cold, pretty lady? Actually, Democratic Campaign Correspondent Ramon Nootles likes to have his advancements rebuffed, though if you ask he’ll list specific body parts he would rather have buffed again.
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