Hello, fans. Boris is being here. Welcome to thing that is fun times on road with Boris person, who is I. So much stories to tell of fun railroad hobo life, where is the beginning?

First thing, many Boris reader probably wondering “How Boris? How is it to become glamorous hobo celebrity?” Well, is easy. All person does need is hankychef thing inside to fold belongings, and stick for carrying hankychef far away because does smell like nose blows. Also, person cannot have house to be hobo. Because if do, all hobos will want to come to house to live and hobo it all up, no good. So keep this secret if you do have secret hobo house.

Hobo Boris (or Hoboris, as friend say) has Kleenex on stick for to carry belongings. Other hobos does have special cloth hankychef things but Hoboris blows nose in this and threw away before knowing it was suitcase. So Hoboris make does with Kleenex thing, is just as fine except when there is raining, then Hoboris must run for cover or lose shits everywhere.

All hobos does love to sing campfire song, this is Hoboris favorite part. All fun songs like “Jimmy Broke the Corn” and “There is a Banjo on My Leg.” Hoboris did not make several friends first time trying this, because other hobos did not know “Future So Bright Is Time For Sunglasses” song, but Hoboris soon getting hang of this hobo singing thing.

Hobo doing is easy job, and no worry of to get fired. Just to walk around, ride on train, peek around for foods. To discover foods is hard part, because hobo does not get allowance and there is no Louis robot to pack Hoboris lunches in morning. Mostly is to find foods other persons forgets to eat. Sometimes forgetful person is eating lunch in big trash thing called dumper and he leaves his foods there for Hoboris, is nice. Or sometimes when stomach is so empty Hoboris does scare childrens away from Happy Meal to eat. This is O.K. because childrens is fat and does need running exercise.

One day, Hoboris is thinking to starve when looking through dumper for can of Pringles or frozen dinner. There is no food here except jar of nasty jar pickles. Is kind with bird on jar, Hoboris thinking these are shit pickles. Birds don’t not know how to make good pickles, is mean but truth.

But thanks to trash for answer! Paper in trash tells that Colonel wants Hoboris to come eat his chickens. Colonel is army person who does has too many chickens. This is a job for Hoboris! Yay for going to meet Colonel because Hoboris is so hungry for chicken!

Hoboris is thinking could be bad if Colonel yells in scary army voice, but don’t not think so. Colonel is not like other army persons. When army persons want to go for war, Colonel say “No ways, take it easy and eat some chickens!” This is good person to have in armies.

But, bad news. When Hoboris does get there, Colonel is not home and Colonel’s family is so stingy with chickens. Is trick to sell chickens to not-hobo persons who has money and shoes! So not fair, this bastard thing.

But things is even Steve after Hoboris does take big pickle shit in bathroom. Yay for Hoboris!