In efforts to control crime and young minds in the past decade, many cities have followed the move of small towns to institute curfews and keep young people off the street. As part of the commune’s ongoing attempt to bring you closer to the world around you, the issues presented to the American public, and eventually get you to buy our sociological journals, the commune brings you the commune Focus: Teen Curfews and Other Forms of Mind-Control.

Most recently, the town council of Vernon, Connecticut, some kind of state in the country, decided not to appeal a federal court ruling upholding a ban on their longtime teen curfew. Teens everywhere celebrated by playing X-Box, using swear words, and having unprotected sex in between backyard wrestling matches. The town council vowed to do nothing until hearing which way the parental outrage swung.

The ban on the town curfew came after ACLU (ack-loo) lawyers challenged the law on the premise it was written in Spanish. That having failed, the ACLU then challenged on behalf of parents’ rights to set their own children’s curfews, and then challenged on the idea it violated the rights of children themselves, best two out of three, but the court bit on the second suit.

The ruling could dissuade other pompous town council people in Footloose-type situations from passing legislation taking away the rights of anybody under the age of 21. Other issues in controlling teen thought are in dangerous territory with the frown on teen curfews, including a legal drinking age of 21, school uniforms, and chemical castration (for boys only).

“It’s very important teens learn restraint in social situations,” said Child Psychology professor Fett Geraldo, an ancient prick far too old to have any fun anymore. “Children lack the same wizened social skills and experience to make decisions of importance for themselves like what to wear and what time to come in, whether to obey their parents or not. I know you’re thinking people once said that about women and non-white people, but I assure such assessments are only mostly accurate. Anyone under the age of eighteen, or twenty-one, if we’re talking alcohol, is clearly not mature enough to make decisions for himself. Or herself. Hell, look at all these teen websites for just-turned-eighteen girls, you can see what I mean.”

This reporter did look at the websites, and was quite impressed by Dr. Geraldo’s point. And the flexibility of one particular Ukrainian girl.

Teens, however, were demonstrably pissed off by the professor’s opinion, and modern music.

“This is just another example of one group claiming they know what’s best for another,” said seventeen-year-old Betty Fullback. “But I know what’s best for them—just shut up already. Adults always think young people can’t make decisions about anything, and it’s stupid. It’s just like the sixties—I hear. We need to mobilize and rebel and stuff, to get our rights like the African-Americans did in the 1600s. I’m trying to get some people together at my house this weekend, so if you know anybody who’s interested in fighting for their rights, just—as long as I have approval, you know. Let me check the list. I’m on student council, you know, I have some respect to maintain.”

Consequently, this reporter found himself uninvited from the party after a lewd pass and a little commune name-dropping.