Harvey Potluck and the Sophomore Slump
by V.D. Whistling 

Upon entering his second year in Hogwash Military Academy and Magic Technical School, Harvey was very relieved to be returned to this place, which had been the source of much pride and happiness during his first best-selling year.

It was peculiar to think he had nearly not made it at all. A mysterious spell and night of binge drinking of hard liquor had caused him to miss his cab ride back to the Academy. The shame of it all! Dimpleturd would not look kindly at all on a second-year wizard being tardy for his first day returned, particularly one who had thus far proven the hero of a quite enjoyable story, such as Harvey Potluck. But fortune was Harvey’s this day, as his friend Phil Stalley pulled up alongside his window to offer him a ride. But Harvey was on the second floor of his flat! Did I forget to mention the bike was a floating magic bike? Don’t wet yourself with excitement.

Immediately the bike transmogrified into a flying ostrich to avoid a lawsuit from Steven Spielberg, and Harvey climbed aboard. The two were quickly off, bound for Hogwash!

It was a dangerous and entertaining trip here condensed for time, but once they crash-landed safely, Harvey and Phil again made acquaintance with their prize chum from last year, Persephone Debutante. Persephone was invaluable the previous book when she aided Harvey and Phil against the evil trick professor Kreskin and defeated the magic handbag and non-matching shoes. In excitement she wrapped her arms around Harvey, bringing him to the floor and pinning him in record time. Phil was down and tied in less than seven seconds, a personal best. Once she had greeted the two, her manner cooled considerably, so that she might maintain her distant uppity bitch persona.

“I worried you might not return,” she said, trying to hide her joy. Phil farted warmly.

“It was merely a matter of making the journey,” said Harvey with a smile. “It was a curious thing, though. How is it I should sleep all night and not wake up at the designated time. The alarm clock should have woke me up.”

“Curious, indeed,” muttered Persephone, at which point a monkey chased by a yellow-behatted man crossed the school grounds unnoticed. “Is it simply a curious happening, based on hours of liquor consumption and misunderstanding alarm clock directions? Or is it something more?”

“You don’t mean… St. Donswort!” questioned Phil. All were quite surprised when Gorgeous Gorge lunged immediately into this book.

“Quiet! No one must ever say that name here!” whispered the giant sex dumpling. Gorge was a welcome sight to the youngsters, and his breasts were starting to grow in nicely with the recent estrogen injections. “Hogwash may be full of mighty and valiant wizards, but it is also a nesting place for the evil sort. As evidenced by your last adventure here.”

“Do you think it possible, Gorge?” asked Harvey. “Could Saint—that is, the unspeakable ultimate villain wizard… do you think he could be afoot once again?”

Gorge considered the question, straightening his bra strap. “I hate to think it, Harvey. But where the great evil is concerned, one must never be quick to dismiss such thoughts.” Gorge could tell the children were inflamed with worry by the suggestion. He smiled brightly. “But forget about all that! You kids have yet to be properly welcomed back. I know what! Let’s go down to the local pub and you can watch me pick up sailors.”

With tremendous joy they bounced along after the mischievous sex dumpling.

For more of this great story, buy V.D. Whistling’s
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