Dear commune:

If “God Don’t Make No Junk,” then how do you explain the Oak Ridge Boys? They suck.

Sincerely,

Norman Turner
Falling River, VT

Dear Norman:

The paradox you’ve hit upon is one of many caused by a shoddy translation of the Bible from its original Aramaic. The passage you’re quoting is thought by most modern scholars to be more correctly translated as: “Good God, how much did ye pay for this shithole?” which is what the lord said the first time he saw Peter’s house. Scholars think Peter’s place must really have been a dump, as it was vile enough to offend a savior who had been born in a barn. Speaking of which, “Werest thou born in a barn?” is another popular Bible quote, which referred to Jesus’ annoying habit of leaving the door open wherever he went.

the commune

Editor’s Note: the commune is not responsible for curds, whey, or any other ethnic divisions which may be present in your cottage cheese. As the saying goes, you bought your cheese, now eat it with apple slices.

Volume 45
The only thing the commune loves more than a romantic ultimatum is a jailhouse wedding, so we say go for it! Most serial killers are afraid to commit, so be sure you catch him at the right time.

Volume 44
We know exactly what you’re talking about. Those fussy pricks downstairs at Crochet! magazine need to be put in their goddamned place.