Thanks for standing up for me back at the bar, dickcheese. I thought we were friends.
Sincerely,
Randy Moate
Riverview, KS
Dear Randy:
Though we appreciate your mail, we must stress the fact that the commune is a news organization made up of numerous individuals, office equipment, free-roaming egos and a Ford Fiesta we use for beer runs and other official business. We’re flattered by the feeling of closeness you have for our organization, however it is a logical impossibility for the commune as a whole to be considered your “friend” in any conventional sense. That having been said, we might stand up for you more often if you didn’t get in a dick-waving contest every time you get half a drink in you, asshole.
the commune
Editor’s Note:
the commune is not responsible for Barry Switzer of Elk Plain, MO. What’s with that guy, anyway? Talk about an Olympic-caliber jerk. Man. the commune would love to know what makes that guy tick. Some kind of high-octane asshole fuel, we think.
Milestones
1983: Night Ranger releases seminal hit Sister Christian, inspiring the unfortunate tone-deaf singalong by Ivan Nacutchacokov that resulted in his lifetime Greyhound bus ban.
Now Hiring
Cowboy Bebop. Not really sure what this is, to be honest, but Red Bagel telegrammed to demand we hire one. Two if they come in a matched set. So there you go.
Top Iraqi Gratitude Slogans
1.
I love America and dying!
2.
USA! Broil in hell, USA!
3.
All the beautiful shooting!
4.
God Bless This Rubble
5.
Sweet, legless liberation!
Volume 39
Thank you for sharing your fascinating story with our readers and staff, who are one and the same. We hope that this helps you in your journey through life.
