SNAPPER McGEE Rock Creek Park, where body of future pop culture reference Levy was recovered

Levy was 24, from Modesto, California, and served as an intern for former Representative Gary Condit until her disappearance thirteen months ago. In the pre-Sept. 11th America, Levy’s disappearance and Condit’s possible involvement captured the attention of the country. After the United States itself became a pivotal player in world terrorism, the concern over the sexual affairs of politicians and one missing person seemed to become a sensationalistic distraction from important issues.

Ex-Rep. Condit reportedly confessed to a sexual relationship with Levy to police searching for the missing intern, but would not reveal such details to the public. Police repeatedly said Condit was not a suspect in Levy’s disappearance, but it didn’t help salvage Condit’s political career when he lost his seat in the Democratic primary in 2002.

Levy’s body was found in Rock Creek Park in Washington, D.C. and initially unidentifiable. At press time forensics results were yet to determine with certainty whether Levy was the victim of foul play or an accidental death. This late in the game, however, anything short of a video taped execution by Gary Condit would likely relegate Levy to a monologue joke and future pop culture references.

“What we have here is a true tragedy,” said Washington, D.C. investigator Neil Shabub. “Still, in the overall scheme of things, I guess it’s page 3 news. It’s not like we found bin Laden’s remains or anything. With the escalating violence in the Middle East and the continued growth of nuclear arsenals, I don’t think the American public is still weeping too much for Washington interns.”

Vincent Keller, a producer for the TV gameshow Jeopardy, expressed relief the search for Levy was over.

“It’s a good thing for the family, and probably even for the public, to have resolution even at this late a date,” said Keller. “Plus, we’ve got a batch of Levy questions already ready to go, though we may sit on them until a later date, once the tastelessness of it dies down.”

Isadora Prell, President of the Society for Future Trivial References, a group created specifically for quoting in articles of these types, was also optimistic for a quick resolution. Prell also expressed hope that any guilty for Levy’s death would be soon brought to justice.

“No doubt this terrible event has made life a living hell for all those involved,” said Prell. “A family has lost their daughter, a man has lost his political career and done irreparable harm to his marriage, and a woman is dead. Still, when people look back on 2001 several years from now, Chandra Levy will be mentioned, along with the World Trade Center, the war on terror, The Mummy Returns, and Weezer’s ‘Hash Pipe’.”

the commune news is full of piss and vinegar, but give us a few minutes and we can get that down to just vinegar. Ramrod Hurley is technically proficient, but lacks real passion—and that’s just his lovemaking.

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